Send us a text We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wond...
Ask Rachel anything Having your own child can feel like an overwhelming responsibility at times, but when you become a step-parent it's even more complicated. The child may feel resentful because they didn't ask for a new parent, their biological parents are likely to have issues with each other, and then there's our own needs in a new relationship. Ultimately, step-parents can offer a really wonderful addition to the lives of our bonus children. How we go about it can make al…
Ask Rachel anything Parties can be life-enhancing, joyous, and a wonderful chance to meet new people, but when it's for a teenager it can have a touch of the wild west about it. For parents who understand the risks it can feel easier to say no, but if we think through all of the issues - and discuss them with our teens - there's far less chance things will go horribly wrong. Our website has a free checklist of things to cover when planning your party. RESOURCES USED: https://ra...<…
Ask Rachel anything Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like pressure - to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment? One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss how to deal better with their lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations. RESOURCES: https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdfhttps://www.parentingforbrain.com...
Ask Rachel anything Our teens have been dubbed Generation Isolation by the UK charity OnSide. It follows a poll which showed that 77% of young people spend most of their free time at home and 73% spend most of their free time on screens. The charity says that while online communication is important and has some benefits, its dominance means young people are missing out on the face-to-face interactions that build social skills, confidence, self-esteem, resilience and empathy. &nbs...
Ask Rachel anything 'Today's teenagers are far more hopeless than anything humanity has ever produced before,' according to Jeremy Clarkson, former presenter of Top Gear. He's talking about generation Z, which is the label for those born between 1997 and 2012 and the first to grow up entirely connected to the internet. His claim is that 'the offensive word today's entitled teens have never heard is 'no'. ' There are many articles about entitled te…
Ask Rachel anything We've all heard about the phenomenon of a midlife crisis, but it's the teenage years when we first really become aware of our identity. For some, the sense of who we are beneath the roles we play is never a big issue. For others, the shift in perception can result in all sorts of problems. Battles at home if they're boxed into an identity they feel they don't fit, or difficulties at school where trying to fit into a social group can mean losing track o…
Ask Rachel anything Just under half a million teenagers will start university this autumn in the UK alone. Whilst it might be an exciting time for the teenager, the family left behind can be left reeling with a sense of grief and loss. We talk about what you might be feeling and how best to deal with it. Also, Alex has asked us to take a look at what we should be saying to our teens about manners. We talk about what they are and what they say about you as a person. &...
Ask Rachel anything Can you imagine a TV presenter wearing the same blue suit on-screen for 12 months and nobody noticing, or commenting? Well in Australia, Karl Stefanovic did exactly this to make a point about the different standards men and women are held to. He says whilst his female colleagues were often messaged about what they were wearing, in his case nobody even mentioned his clothing. All the messages were about how he did his job. This is the difficult world our teena...
Ask Rachel anything In all honesty, very few of us thought about our partner's possible parenting style when we began dating them. I know that I didn't. It's mostly romance and blind hope at that stage. By the time the subject really comes into focus we're already in the thick of parenting. Louise has asked us to talk about this, and we loved the topic because so many of us lack the skills to successfully navigate a happy path with a partner who sees things differently. W…
Ask Rachel anything Drugs are everywhere; whether they are being peddled by pharmaceutical companies to fix medical problems, used as performance enhancers, or just for kicks, there's a really high chance that our teens will be offered them by someone. The big question is how can we talk to our teens about them in a way that discourages dangerous habits or situations whilst letting them know that they can come to us for help and advice about what they're seeing and doing? We discus…
Ask Rachel anything As a parent, have you ever felt overwhelmed by the sheer size of your job and the range of the responsibilities it involves? Do you ever feel like you've done enough, or are you always suffering with the nagging feeling that you are falling short and it's your fault that things aren't perfect? Well Clare certainly has, so she asked us to talk about Mom guilt. What we discovered has blown our minds. Also, have you ever had that horrible feeling that your tee…
Ask Rachel anything Have you ever caught your teenager lying to you? Let's face it, lying is part of everyday life. In fact an entire film was made on the premise of a lawyer incapable of telling a lie for 24 hours. The result is comedy, but we all know that it can be serious. Our challenge is teaching kids to be truthful to us when it matters, and to be able to tell the difference between the sorts of lies that oil relationships in a healthy way and the ones that will ultimately...
Ask Rachel anything Do you have a teen at home who's all sweet and loving with one parent, but treats the other like they're a bad smell? Karen says she feels like running away because she's walking on eggshells in her own house, with a daughter who is rude to her but sweet and kind to her husband. Why do they do it and how can we, as both a parent and partner, make things better for everyone? Also, it's been around since the Ancients: Personal expression using hair dyes,…
Ask Rachel anything When we covered the issues of friendship groups, with girls in mind, we had a massive reaction from parents who have been struggling to understand what's going on. Now it's the turn of boys. When friendships work, they are extremely beneficial, but what causes boys to struggle with their mates, and how can we help them? Also, how do you deal with swearing in your family? Is it absolutely forbidden, does it matter who's doing it and when, or are you all a bi…
Ask Rachel anything The rate of self-harm among young children in the UK has doubled over the last six years according to recent research compiled by the British Broadcasting Corporation. Keith Hawton, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Oxford, told File on 4 the data on self-harm was “in keeping with what we’re finding from our research databases. It’s almost as though the problem is spreading down the age range. One analysis of self-injury behaviour across more than 40 co...
Ask Rachel anything The anxiety epidemic: In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control. Suggested books: · The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry · Breaking free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD, Eli Lebowitz. The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt https:...
Ask Rachel anything WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT. Pornography is probably as old as art itself. Whether you indulge, or wouldn't go near it, there has never been a time when it is more graphic, or readily available to children and teens, with the knock-on impact on their own attitudes towards sex and relationships. Just for context, an unbelievable 42 billion individual visitors accessed Pornhub in 2019, averaging more than 115 million visits per day, and that was before Covid-19. That…
Ask Rachel anything A definition of bullying: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3918673/ Negative physical, verbal, or relational actions that (a) have hostile intent, (b) cause distress to the victim, (c) are repeated and (d) involve a power imbalance between perpetrators and victims. What researchers have learned about it: There is no single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bu...
Ask Rachel anything Lone parenting: One of Susie’s superpowers has been raising three kids alone, so this time we look at some of the issues of lone parents, and some top tips for managing well. We talk about positive modelling of the opposite sex, the stresses on teenagers and how to support them, and how to use mindfulness to find your way through the stresses of doing it alone. Links to resources I dipped into are below. We’d love to hear if there are any specific issues you’d like t...
Ask Rachel anything If you know the film Mean Girls you're no stranger to the concept that teen friendship groups can be fraught with problems. Whilst the film illustrates an extreme version of the issue any parent of girls will be familiar with the angst they can cause. With the help of the book Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, Susie and I look at how you can coach your daughter positively through this tumultuous time. Below are top tips I gleaned from the book: Wiseman bre…
Ask Rachel anything More than half of UK parents in one study were concerned that excessive screen time while schools were closed could cause addiction later down the line, so if you feel the boundaries have shifted you're not alone. Don't panic: Common Sense Media and the WHO (when adding gaming disorder to their list of diseases) say it's not how many hours are spent on screens, it's what your teen is using screens for and the impact it has on how they feel and the othe…
Ask Rachel anything Is conflict never-ending in your home, or are your teenagers benefitting from having a sibling? We talk about our own experiences - memories of driving our own siblings up the wall - and the research we've read that will help you to make the situation positive. One thing to note is that if you have an only child don't panic. There are some enormous benefits of not having a sibling; it's just different. Top tips from Positive Parenting Solutions for reducing…
Ask Rachel anything Covid has given everyone a real bashing. For teenagers, one upside is that we now talk more about mental health, but at the same time our teens have been stuck in their rooms on digital devices. The number using social media for four hours or more has increased dramatically. Seeing people who aren't in lockdown having fun or looking glamorous just at the time when they want to be branching out is very difficult for teens. A recent analysis for the BBC sa...
