Episodes

Ask Rachel anything Why is it that so many teenagers today seem to be struggling with mental health? In this conversation, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matt Richtel reveals the surprising science behind adolescent development, explaining why teens aren't 'difficult' they're doing an important job and how there's a fundamental mismatch between biological adolescent development and the world in which we now life. One of the key problems nowadays is that kids are going into puberty ea...

Ask Rachel anything To lose a child is one of the worst things any of us an imagine. To lose him at 16 to a recreational drug is an unbearable pain. That's what happened to Fiona Spargo-Mabbs OBE, but she has turned her pain into an incredible quest to turn her 'I wish I'd known', suffering into a book, a drugs education foundation, and support for all of us parents so we never have to go through the pain she has suffered. In this incredible conversation, Fiona discusses the importance ...

Ask Rachel anything For this Sunday catch up I was joined by Susie Asli to discuss the challenges of parenting during times of personal loss, such as the death of a pet or a parent. We share our experiences of our children’s different reactions to grief and the importance of allowing them to grieve in their own ways. We also talk about the transition to university, the generational differences in parenting, and the importance of respecting teenagers’ independence. I introduced a n...

Ask Rachel anything Sleep's a FREE performance-enhancer, so why are so many teens not getting enough? For us parents, sleep is the thing we all obsess about when we first bring our babies home, but if you're anything like me by the time they hit teens we've become pretty lax around that solid bedtime routine. In fact, research shows that around 2/3rds of teenagers aren't getting adequate sleep. Why does this happen? In my case, I was exhausted from years of implementing a solid routine and ...

Ask Rachel anything Whatever food fears we've inherited, or learned, will be passed on to our kids unless we understand and challenge our beliefs, according to food psychologist, Dr Anna Colton. As she rightly points out, fear-mongering about killer bars or toxic foods is way more dangerous, long-term, than the food itself. In this episode we talk openly about my own struggles with my family's attitude to food, and Dr Colton explains in detail why it's way better to prevent our kids de...

Ask Rachel anything Is your kid stressed or lacking motivation? What if the antidote was pushing them less and giving them more of a sense of control over their lives? It doesn't mean giving up your authority as a parent. As elite teen coach, Ned Johnson, explains the science tells us we can help our child sculpt a brain that is resilient, and ready to take on new challenges if we stop taking over. In his practice he uses science, behavioural therapy and extensive case studies to offer ...

Ask Rachel anything We all want our kids to feel they belong and have purpose, but what simple things can we do at home and in schools that will help them develop what they need? In this interview you'll hear so many great tips we can put in place at home that will help our kids thrive. In 2007, Tish co-founded Jamie’s Farm with her son Jamie, a teacher and farmer. LINK: https://jamiesfarm.org.uk/people/tish-feilden/ The residential visits for disadvanteged kids, who are disengaged or d...

Ask Rachel anything Conflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it. As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements. In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive - a...

Ask Rachel anything FREE GUIDE: HOW TO THINK THROUGH DEVICE USE FOR YOUR TEENS https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/teens-and-screens-the-big-hug-teenagers Smartphones can be massively problematic in the hands of the young, mainly because of what kids can access through them. Social media can have a magnetic pull for adolescents who're trying to figure out their identity and fit in, meanwhile predators are well aware of the various access points provided. So are there any positi...

Ask Rachel anything When things go wrong at school parents are bound to feel stressed, wanting the problem to be resolved as soon as possible. But - in the UK at least - the current complaints system is "working for no one", according to the Government's Education Secretary. Jason Elsom, CEO of charity Parentkind, says there's been a surge in parental complaints, that are being amplified via WhatsApp: Quoted in The Times “We are seeing a tsunami of parental complaints. It is never right to na...

Ask Rachel anything How we parents manage technology in our homes, and what we put in the hands of our kids, has turned into one of the most hotly debated topics amongst parents and experts. In this episode, I talk to Dr. Lucy Foulkes, Oxford academic psychologist and author, about social media’s role in adolescent mental health, challenging the narrative popularized by Jonathan Haidt and exploring why phones and social platforms aren’t the universal villains they’re often made out to b...

Ask Rachel anything Do you ever worry about losing touch with your kids as they grow up? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I'm joined by Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Parenting Adult Children Today to explore the growing issue of family estrangement. Catherine is leading a conversation around one of the most overlooked family dynamics: the relationship between parents and their adult children. Despite how common this phase of l...

Ask Rachel anything The latest narrative around online safety, phones and devices, is pushing for bans to keep our kids safer and happier. The idea is to give them back their childhood and prevent them from accessing harmful content. Catherine Knibbs, a child psychotherapist and cyber trauma expert argues in her latest book that social media bans won't work because we can't even properly define what it is we want to ban, and when we do ban devices we actually leave our kids vulnerable....

Ask Rachel anything Judgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children. Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for our family. We can't control wha...

Ask Rachel anything Women's happiness has been in decline since the 1970's despite increased freedoms and opportunities, says Dr Giselle Goodwin. I've you've ever felt burnout out and the sense that you're somehow failing at being a woman and a mother you'll have a sense of it happening, but you may feel guilty, particularly given the opportunities we've been given compared with what our own mothers had. She says that when women were told we could have it all, it seems what we r...

Ask Rachel anything We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them. One listener contacted us for help with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tips...

Ask Rachel anything Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle course trying to get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity. Getting the right balance between love and discipline is incredibly tricky, and for many of us it's a constant haggle. So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care? READ MY BLOG: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences...

Ask Rachel anything We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them? According to eminent psychologist, Dr David Yeager, when kids hit puberty they're primarily looking for experiences that give ...

Ask Rachel anything More than half of kids who've drunk alcohol under the age of 15 in the UK were offered it by their parents. Alcohol has been proven to cause seven types of cancer, according the World Cancer Research. According to other research, the earlier kids try alcohol the higher the risk they'll indulge in binge drinking and any alcohol-related harm. Parents don't want to harm their kids, so why are they giving them alcohol? According to research done by Community Alcoho...

Ask Rachel anything Remember those years when your child followed you everywhere, and gazed at you with adoring eyes because you knew everything? Have they now turned into a teenager who simply grunts, or screams at you, when they occasionally emerge from their bedroom? Changes in a teenage brain help them to develop abstract thinking and self-reflection but they also make them hyper-critical and keen to develop emotional distance so they can practice life without you around. What to do: Da...

Ask Rachel anything It's a rare luxury to have both my girls available for half an hour to record an episode, and when I do I love to talk about listeners questions. Poor Amelia had a really bad cold, but she was still keen to help, so sorry about the sniffles. This time we talked about: Puberty and Body Changes Helping girls navigate early stages of pubertyDiscussing body changes with daughtersApproaches to talking about wearing first brasToxic Friendships Defining what makes a friendship to...

Ask Rachel anything Long term listener, Cathy, has asked us some very heartfelt and important questions about how to support her teen at university. It's an excellent topic for us to tackle since Susie currently has one at university, I have one about to go, and two who have already graduated, one of whom gave me some excellent tips. It's a topic that evokes mixed-emotions for everyone. Here's what Cathy wrote: Please 'discuss how best to support your teen as they go off to university and liv...

Ask Rachel anything Wouldn't it be great if we knew when and how we parents and teachers can make a massive long-term difference by doing something relatively small? What if we could catch those moments that might set off either an upward or downward spiral, and help our kids find the best path? Well, that's what this episode is all about. Dr Gregory Walton has been described as 'one of psychology's greatest architects of how to change behaviour for good', and 'one of the most important psych...

Ask Rachel anything First love can be immensely powerful; a profound and unforgetable journey that shapes who we are. It teaches us about intimacy, boundaries and heartbreak and as parents it challenges all of our skills and perceptions. In this episode my daughter, Phoebe, offered to talk about her first experience; what it taught her, how it changed her, and what she thinks adults need to understand to support their teen; particularly one who is same sex attracted. What I learned from...