When kids start senior school it can be incredibly stressful for everyone and it's easy to panic if we notice a sudden change in behaviour.
We think they should be focused on getting their work done but they are hyper-focused on friendships, status and respect.
One great tip, when your kid turns double-digits, is to either go away with them or spend time one to one and talk about the gear change in your parenting. You are no longer going to simply tell them what to do, you’re going to behave more like a coach.
Obviously, they still need very clear boundaries, but the difference is that we become more open to discussing the why of those boundaries, rather than simply imposing them.
When you want to discuss something, make curiosity your friend. If you’re bothered by their swearing start from trying to understand why they might be doing it, and what pressures they’re experiencing.
When we sit by their side looking out at a problem, rather than clamping down or accusing, we are building empathy and connection.
If they know that we understand, and can empathise, they are far more likely to come to us with anything that’s bothering them, which means they can get the support of an adult rather than the emotional, short-sighted views of friends.
Great episodes to help with this:
3: How to talk so your teen will listen
10: Friendships
16: Swearing
112: Status and respect
138: Starting secondary school