Boys need hugs and closeness just as much as girls do, but the transition into puberty marks a watershed where boys become aware of the 'man box' and get the message that intimacy is not for them.
I've never forgotten reading Niobe Way's decades of research into this age group when I was researching for an early episode on boy friendships. She says that before puberty their relationships can sound like a chapter from 'Love Story' but that distance sets in when they get the message that it's not what men do.
@wildfeelings.co Megan Saxelby has hands-on experience of boys at this age, trying to navigate the switch, and the toll it takes on their relationships. It's absolutely heartbreaking.
When I interviewed fomer headteacher and creator of @girlsonboardnet Andrew Hampton FRSA about boys and masculinity in a school setting he said he thinks that eleven is an important age for intervening and having clear discussions about expectations, so boys adopt healthy masculine ideas rather than what he describes as 'sour'.
And in my discussion with @re.masculine he suggested even earlier, almost giving boys a 'masculinity vaccination' by openly discussing what becoming a good man would actually look like.
@progmasculinity Mike Nicholson, says one of the problems is that boys don't see men they admire and trust demonstrating affection and intimacy with their friends, which is a missing part of the puzzle.
I'd love to know your thoughts about this, and if you have any further suggestions for how we better support boys.
Click the link in the bio for the full episode, or go to teenagersuntangled.substack.com for lots of my writing and thoughts on parenting teenagers and tweens.
#boys #manbox #teens #tweens #middleschool #affection #love #communication #friendship #masculinity #parent #parentlife #parenthood #parentingtips