Transcript
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Hello and welcome to teenagers untangled the audio hug for parents going through the teenage years. I'm Rachel Richards, journalist, parenting coach, a mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters.
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Hi there. I'm Susie Asli, mindfulness coach, mindful therapist, musician and mother of three teenagers, two of them.
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And today we're going to talk about things we could have done differently.
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So it's a really long episode.
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Buckle up. Yes, yes, I can talk for England on the subject. Before we do this, Susie just told me something that's actually just brilliant.
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Okay, so one of our listeners used Bumble to find her very gorgeous. I'm told Suzy not to use what we're using before.
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I can't even remember. Okay, to your side.
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Yes.
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And then she went on Bumble. And guess what?
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Yeah.
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Oh, yeah. A while back? Yeah, a while back, but yeah.
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Just spread the joy. Let people know. You never know. You're just saying nice listener. I didn't nice. Yes.
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Lovely listener. Okay. Quick reviews. Cathy Chiang. wrote, I love your podcast this morning.
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I use strategies you have mentioned, to defuse a situation with my youngest teen who was angry over a miscommunication.
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Thank you. Keep going. Happy New Year from the USA. Cathy. Thank you. Thank you, Cathy made my day. Go on. We've got one for us. We've got there.
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I have didn't realize I had it here. We're extremely helpful. Just listen to one episode about self harm and immediately followed the show. Finally, I got some really helpful tools to deal with my teen who refuses to see a therapist. All other podcasts advice, seeking therapists help.
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If only it was that easy. Thank you for life saving tips and hope. Oh, wow. That's beautiful.
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Thank you that that made me cry when I read that. And last episode, we did mention seeing a therapist.
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Yeah, you can see a therapist, then sometimes it can be useful.
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I think we jump to therapists, often a bit too soon. Let's see what we can do ourselves. Yeah.
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Unless it's something
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and you find a good one. That's great. But they don't like this. This listener said they don't, they won't always go and you can't make anyone. And
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I was contacted last year by a listener in Australia who told me her son had access something very upsetting online. I think it was someone harming themselves. And she was panicking and saying I don't I just don't know, at all that I can't find a therapist.
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And I got her in contact with a therapist, who gave her three half hour sessions. I charged her for it. I think they were half hour. Done. Amazing.
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Amazing. So I think it is urgent if it's something really distressing, for sure. And the sooner you can deal with it, the better doesn't get entrenched.
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Do you have a nugget for us?
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Do I have a nugget?
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Yes, I do. So my two teenagers are doing what is called F and N which is food and nutrition GCSE, I would not have known that. And they have, which is a brilliant GCSE for anyone looking at their options at the moment. It's so good. They really enjoy it. It's like a little bit lighter than the other ones. And it's it's practical, and they're learning how to cook and learning how to feed themselves, you know, in a healthy way. It's really good.
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And they've got a practical exam in a couple of weeks. And they've got to do three. What do you call it three courses. And they've all got to be egg bass.
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That's the theme this year.
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Goodness knows why. And there's quite advanced. They're doing souffles and making pasture from scratch and task making and making it all from scratch.
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Why is my child not doing this? It's so good.
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And the point of the nugget was that I was out on Saturday night with my partner, we went to a party, which was very fun. And they were practicing their three courses.
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And they had the most hilarious evening. So we came back really late. And my daughter had finished hers and had timed it and it was all tidied away and everything. And my son was kind of mid cooking at midnight. And he was super excited and enthusiastic. And so we sat and we had like a three course dinner Dinner. One. And he's done. He's done that. And it was just really lovely to see his enthusiasm and also that they'd had such a fun evening together like taking the mick out of each other and helping each other and it's really good. So jealous
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recommend my daughter should have loved that brilliant history. She hates it.
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Well, there's a little bit of snobbery attached to it. I think it's not academic. People give it say, oh, you know, I'm not going to do that because I do a proper one. Do it. It's brilliant.
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When they don't offer it and my daughter school.
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My nugget is, In yoga there’s a thing called Drishti it’s the word for where you focus to help you keep your balance when you’re in a difficult posture.
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It helps you develop concentration and intention while doing something challenging. And I’ve been thinking that we parents can apply this idea to our you're young, you're very curious. And then you become an adult, and you become very judgmental. And I think in between that is the teenagers, which is the most hyper judgmental, where they just become very conscious, everybody's noticing things, and they're noticing things. And I think that's the time to shift back from that kind of adult, you know, judgmental, like, I know what we're supposed to do, to the curious side complaining, every time I've been trying to remind myself every time I have any thoughts about people, or I interact with people, I think, am I being curious? And that's going to be and I fail all the time. That's
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amazing. I mean, Curiosity is the antidote to judgment. Yes, absolutely. 100%.
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And it's a massive part of mindfulness, attitude of curiosity, you unpack stuff, you look at stuff with an attitude of curiosity, rather than judging but also
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with people. So you just, you know, rather than saying, Oh, I know why they're doing that, I think, you know, just saying, Okay, why why, why didn't I ask them? And just going and constantly, you know, I know I'm on my on my dog walks, I just bumped into someone, I'll ask him some questions. And you just your world grew? Yeah,
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it's an open mind is like, okay, rather than Oh, okay. Yes, yes. Thinking,
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you know, but you don't write things we would do differently. So you mentioned this, and funnily enough, I'd already been thinking about it, doo doo, doo doo doo. Because I was sitting next to a lady in a cafe, who's in her mid to late 60s. And within two minutes of starting talking, she, I told her what I do. And she said, you know, the thing I've always regretted is that I took my son out of the local school, and they put him into an academic school because he was really academic. And it looked like the school wasn't coping with him.
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And then he got bullied. And I feel really terrible about that.
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Oh, and I just said to her, Carolyn, you don't know whether he would have been looking back now and saying, You left me in that crappy school, which wasn't very academic, and I didn't fulfill my potential. You don't know whether he would have got bullied in the school he was in?
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And you're carrying all of this?
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And the thing
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is, we don't know.
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No, she did us a bit of curiosity. Yes, yeah.
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We're doing the best we can. So I want to start this by saying, whatever we say you're doing the best with what you know, at the time. And we as we grow, we learn things. So learn from our mistakes. Yes.
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And hindsight. Yes.
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You know, hindsight is great.
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Everything's so much easier.
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Yes.
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So we'll give you ours and you know, help other people by mentioning your own. And let's all try and help each other, shall we? Yes. So what do you think? What do you want to start?
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Yeah, why not? My neck? Maybe? Because I yeah, I suggested this, I was thinking of some stuff. This stuff that I thought done not very well. And then when I really sat with it and thought about it, think about it, that's not what I thought about it. I said, Oh, because you learn from stuff, don't you you learn on the job as a parent, like, that's the nature of it. But yeah, there are some stuff I do differently.
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But I think they're maybe a bit more abstract. And my main one I came to was that, I think particularly with my eldest because we you know, we make more mistakes on the on the eldest don't report eldest Sure.
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Sure, there are benefits of being the eldest and I'm sure they are, but and that is really being more conscious. Am I operating from a space of fear or from a space of love? Because I think sometimes it's very fear based, you know, as as parents with fear, you know, fear base, Am I doing it wrong? What can I do better? What can I do? Well,
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you don't think you know what you're doing?
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Yeah, no,
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we sort of slightly panic. And some there have been some issues that he's had to go through over the years where I have been definitely in fear.
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And they've been that's been valid and relevant. And they've all worked out. Interesting.
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They, I mean, they everything works out, doesn't it? You might not like the result. But everything works out. So kind of maybe trusting a bit more and really questioning the fear side of it. What What am I so terrified off here? And is it is it worth, you know, spending my energy there? Or would it be better? Would would my child be better served? And would I be better served if I, if I approached it a bit differently and trusted a bit more and let that go? And noticing that you're feeling fear? Yeah, noticing it. But yeah, because because it's the norm. I think, for much of our parenting culture, is fear. I think schools are run a lot by fear.
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We don't often actually notice or even in it, and it's stressful. Yes.
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And the whole, the whole concept of parenting is actually very, very young.
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And there's this idea that we can somehow do it. Well, yeah, and we I have to do it well. And actually, what? Because I was thinking about I've been writing a book about this, and I was thinking about it. And the truth is our parents, and our ancestors must have all done it with a modicum of success, otherwise, we wouldn't be here.
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So you know, the bare basics are the person stays alive. So that's a good start. You know, and so and then, but where do you stop? You know, where is where is the line? Like, I'm actually doing this? Well? Yeah, maybe that one's a viable
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that's a really good point. So we have set the bar so ridiculously high. Yes. You know, we all feel like we're not we're not hitting the bar or even getting near it. Or we don't know where it is.
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I'm doing this a lot. Like what's good parent, and they just, uh, you know, my parents generation would just open the back door and go off you go. Yeah, yeah, a couple of sandwiches, then we'll just see you till, you know, for lunch has it
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had its pluses and minuses? Didn't it? Yeah, yes.
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I got, um, this might take a while. Community Oh, my God, that was my headlines community. And, and it's because I grew up moving approximately every year and a half, and not just moving house moving countries. And my parents, they didn't really ever have a community. They were, you know, traveling around Africa, in Spain, my mother left my father in Spain, and then we, you know, and then we were in England, and we moved again several times. And then we ended up in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, in Lincolnshire. And I, and then I didn't want to go to the school in the village. So I went to a school 10 miles away, which annoyed my parents enormously, but I refused point blank to go to that school, which was a good decision, I'm afraid. But here's the thing I never learned about community. I then also ended up in a, you know, in a career, which was very, you know, use dog eat dog to an extent. And when I had children, I just I didn't know anybody who had children. I didn't know to go to the antenatal classes I didn't know to go to the parenting, like the kids get to get the classes, I did a few of those. I thought, oh, gosh, what other nice other ladies here. But I still didn't understand community. And so I think if you're not brought up around a community, and the truth is, actually research says that more and more human beings are not in communities. And that's one of the reasons why we're struggling with anxiety and all the other social ills is that we've lost this sense of how important having at least three people who can tell something deep and meaningful to Okay, so I was thinking about this, because I was listening to the subtle art of not giving a very rude word.
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And one of the things David Brooks talked about was how our religions gave us a way to do to live, they tell us this is how so for example, if when people someone dies, the Jews sit Shiva. So for seven days, their community, they're very close community comes around every single day and sits with them and talks about the person and shit, it sort of just shows them how to move on from where they got to. And I think there's a lot of that is missing, we don't have those spaces in our culture where we can just sit and go.
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And you know, so for example, one of the religions I went to, they just, they had, they didn't have a priest, they had somebody from the community each week would stand up and talk about how they had been impacted that week. And I just think that's what we're trying to do here on this podcast. We're trying to create a community so that you got somewhere you got a home, but with my children, I didn't do that. So I chose schools that weren't close by I see, I didn't notice that stuff. I didn't think about that. Which means that the in this local area, they don't have a close network of friends. And for a couple of years there I thought, wow, I really screwed up. Actually, it's worked out absolutely fine, because they have got great friends. Yeah, but I think for anyone who's looking at you know, this school might be better that place might be you know, what you really want to underlying all of this as think about I need to create a community. I because this is the stuff that keeps us sane and keeps us happy. And if you've got community, a lot of the other stuff is okay.
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Yeah, I think that's a really valid point. Really good point. I think I read something the other day that that is the biggest indicator of longevity, isn't it? Yes.
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The Blue Zones community community Yeah, yeah, really interesting. So that's yeah, that's my
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Yeah, you're so I wish I had known earlier and been able to use well just the inflammation of it. That nervous system regulation Oh, yeah.
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Which I've known about for you know, a few years now but maybe didn't practice that much to start with and now I know a lot more about it and all the you know, the somatic things and how we can keep ourselves regulated, and importantly how our nervous system is that are chill Order No sponges for our nervous system, I didn't know that. And I really wish I had because there were some stressful periods in my kids lives. For various reasons, you know, moving country, this is earlier in their lives, some of them but also as teenagers, for particularly my eldest, there were some very stressful episodes. And I found them very stressful. And I can now with hindsight, look back and see that my nervous system was was not regulated. And I really wish I'd known about you, understandably, and I'm not kind of beating myself up about it.
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But I wish I had known the techniques. Yeah, because it's actually quite simple to do a certain amount of regulation and awareness around it so that when I was interacting with them, I could be, you know, even if it was just 5% more regulated, they are sponges. And I have no idea of what effect that, you know, has or hasn't had long term on them. But I I imagine it has had an effect. Yeah, no, I wish I'd known about that. I think it's really important. And I also think it's really not that difficult to put into practice.
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So it's a bit of a
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if people were sort of interested in exploring that they could just come on your website and find out more about it. Yeah. Or do they fight?
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Yeah. I mean, nervous system? Yes, absolutely.
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I mean, my it's a, it's a part of mindfulness. And it's, it's, it's basically awareness. So it's, the first step is awareness. How do I feel in my body? Because we're walking heads? Yeah. How do I feel in my body? How am I How am I when I'm in balance? What does that even feel like? Am I ever in balance?
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Or am I permanently in spite of flight freeze, which a lot of adults are? What does it feel like to step out of that? How do I step out of it? And what can I do? Is it some breathwork? Is it some meditation? If I don't like that? Is it is it exercise? Is it humming? Is it singing? Is it dancing? Is it how do I regulate ear massage? Is it you know, all sorts of different things that we can do to stimulate our vagus nerve, which is the one that keeps us in balance? And it's just little regular drip, drip drips? That can actually make a
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big difference stopping before we reach for that? The other thing? Like the drink? Yeah, or the phone? Yeah.
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You know, my daughter says, you know, she's stuck on her phone to say, Are you are you a bit stuck? And she'll say, you know, I do this when I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable. So I've taken I take it away and say, let's find another way. Yes. Let's do something else that makes you feel good.
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Yeah. Because we were not used to sitting with discomfort. We used to numbing discovery. But I really wish I'd known about that. I think that very terpene. Very useful. Great tip.
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For me, expectations. Because, you know, I've been reading this book recently called do hard things.
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Yeah. And the teenagers in that talk about how they feel huge swathes of teenagers are living through an era where the expectations of them are the bare minimum of what they could possibly achieve. I have two daughters who’re very close in age. When it came to learning how to read the second one seemed to be struggling with it, but in other ways she was very bright. I mentioned it to people and they said, ah you’re comparing her with her sister.
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She’s just unusually quick at picking up reading. But I still thought, no something’s not right, she comes from a home of readers but she is refusing to try. Well, I searched very hard and found an amazing online dyslexic programme – called Easyread which explained everything. It was revolutionary. Every night for nine months we did this programme and it completely transformed her reading. When she was then tested it turned out she was clearly dyslexic, with a very spiky profile. There are certain things that are really challenging for her but in other ways she’s extremely capable. These kids need way more praise to get them through what to them is super-challenging. When I got her assessment back I sat her down and explained why she found some things harder, but that she’s really capable. But I know in retrospect, because she's told me that my expectations weren't high enough for her. Oh, that's interesting. And she complains a lot about people around her who will say they just they're just undermining me with low expectations. And she wants people to want more from her. She wants teachers, you know, teachers will say, Oh, you know, just aim for an aim for a seven and she'll say why they're telling me to aim for a seven?
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If I aim for a seven that’s the most I can get. If I aim for the highest grade there is then I might not achieve it but at least I tried and I believed in myself. It's just is very, very interesting. And I think as a result of her being diagnosed as dyslexic, I, I started off very kind of consciously saying to her, you know, you are very good, you know, they say you're very capable. But that slipped away. And I started making excuses for her when I shouldn't have and that that then resulted in me having to give her a bit of tough love. And, and now she's she is very good at creating expectations for herself. She doesn't need me on her back saying you should do this, you it's not about pushing her is about the expectations of her being eight capable, that's really different. And I need to do an episode on that because I want to get that right. I want to be able to explain to other people like how do you show high expectations without using external motivators? Do you know what I mean? Yeah,
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totally. I think it's a balance. And I resonate with quite a lot of what you just said, it's really, really interesting, because I, I think, I mean, my upbringing, and my, the career I picked being a musician is, is very pushy, pushy, and very, nothing's ever good enough. So I probably went a bit the other way with my kids. And I hate I hate that in the school system. I think it's really destructive. And it's very, can cause all sorts of mental health issues. I really hate it ever said that. So, yeah, expectations is a tricky one to get, right. Because, you know, you don't want to go that way, where it's too much. But you also want to make them feel that they are capable, and that the satisfaction and the of, you know, doing well is is is really, really beautiful. And
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I think it's about somehow because I you know, keep with this book. And I'm going to explore this a lot more, because I think somehow it's about rather than saying, I expect you to get this, it's about how do you like that fire inside them. So they know that you believe in them. And then they feel you're holding them up high, saying you can do this.
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Yeah, it's a different return attitude, isn't it?
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Finding what lights their fire and then letting them run with it? Because they like it, rather than they need to do well, because otherwise people won't think they're good enough.
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It's very different approach.
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Yeah,
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but we will come back to it. Because I'm obsessed with it.
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With curiosity, though, yes, yes. Fascinating.
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I'm constantly curious. Honestly, my husband's so bored. Really just get another thing?
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You can tell him you can.
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Go ahead.
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Anything else?
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Yeah. Oh, yeah.
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Something a bit more specific.
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screentime? I would probably be a little bit more consistent and boundaried with screen time if I was to do that again.
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Yeah, how so?
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What do you mean by that?
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I think I think some of its work well, but I think I wasn't boundaried. Enough early on. And then it's hard to put the What's that phrase, the genie back in the bottle genie back in the bottle. Thank you.
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It's easier to do it from the get go.
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And to be fair, we've gone through the whole COVID thing. So yeah, that was hard. Because you then because my kids was really I was a non screen household. We were quite we were really held back on that. And then COVID. And it happened in schools. It happened at home when people were just kind of unleashed onto the screens, which is one of the big problems we've been battling. So to be fair to Yeah, I agree. And actually, I wrote a blog about what I would do differently. If I was handing my kids devices and and the things that need to be talked about. And I would create a contract and it wouldn't be I'm going to punish if you do this type of contract it would be here's the things we need to talk about before you're allowed onto this device. And here's why. Yeah, and here's how i we i notice if you're not managing it well. And here's how we pull back.
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Yeah, I think so.
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And I would be more aware of my own screen use. Yes. Because I think it's not I agree. It's, it's, it's connected completely, isn't it? I mean, and I don't I'm not always good at managing that. So I'd be more aware of that.
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I mean, the one thing I'm really enforce is is mealtimes just yeah, sorry. No, because my husband was constantly trying to keep his face. No, we're not having that here.
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Actually. We had a dinner last night where there were phones at the table, which they normally really good at that that's like that's a non negotiable. And I was a bit suddenly like, oh, hang on a minute. What is going on? Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah,
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I mean, it's hard because sometimes it turns into a bit of a family meeting and then you're like, Okay, well, whatever. I
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was just looking at my homework. Do that after
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I didn't my final one is that I wish I'd managed to build a better relationship with my bonus daughter's. And it was so hard and I want to talk about this because I'm sure there are other parents in the sitch. This situation either on my side of the fence or the other side of the fence, and The reason it was hard was because their mother was incredibly Prickly, because I think she felt very angry and hurt. And my husband and she didn't really get on and see eye to eye. And it was it was difficult. Yeah. And I think this happens a lot is not any one specific to blame. But what I did was because I had no experience of having a family I had no experience of dealing with, you know, all I did first, as soon as I heard about them, I just thought poor bells. Oh, that's so hard. So I always came at it with compassion. But I didn't push. Because I really worried about her and, and allowing her to feel this close relationship with her daughters, I didn't want to be the person edging in on it or making her feel like I was in her space.
00:25:43.410 --> 00:26:35.579
But now I look back, I think I could have done a better job by reaching out to her more. And because I did a little bit but I didn't know how to do it. No, it's really nice messaging her and saying, I'm so sorry that you're feeling this, this stress and this discomfort, what can I do more to support you and your daughters and and I don't want to try and like being more explicit and say I don't want because I felt that but she didn't know that. No. And I didn't want to tread on her toes. And I didn't want her to feel that I was trying to use her position when I did want to give them love and and some space. And I could have done that so much better. So I really I would encourage anyone in that either side of that if if there is a new woman on the block, don't instantly look at her with, you know, fear, curiosity, look at her and think okay, what what, what does she meet? Where?
00:26:35.609 --> 00:26:42.660
What are her intentions towards my children and trying to be a little bit? It's very hard to do. Yeah, a little bit braver?
00:26:42.690 --> 00:26:58.829
Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's a tough one. That's a really interesting point. You make that? Yeah. Can I have a final? Final? I think I would take better care of myself. I mean, it's a cliche, isn't it?
00:26:55.440 --> 00:27:33.000
But I think I really would, I mean, I say it, and I do it. And I'm much better than the last few years were doing the work I do. But you know, really mean it. Because at the end of the day, a happier mum, or happier dad or whatever your they see the benefit for sure. In Italy, and the vibe you give out in the home is the most the most important thing you can do. Like stuff, all the rules and regulations and anything else actually, the vibe you are the energy you bring is, is like, I don't know, 80% of everything.
00:27:33.990 --> 00:27:40.890
And you can only be the best version of yourself if you take care of yourself. And I you know, wholeheartedly mean that.
00:27:41.130 --> 00:27:48.720
And it's really difficult when you know, I was on my own. I am on my own with the kids. You know, it's challenging, but I would take it more seriously earlier.
00:27:48.868 --> 00:28:34.348
Yeah, I love that. And I think you're so right. I, I shared a tweet that this woman had had come up with, which was she said when her she used to love going to the gym, she always went to the gym, she was really fit. And then she had kids and she didn't go to the gym for years. And she said, I used to beat myself up about how lazy I was. And she said, and now I've got myself a job. And I've got some space during the day to go to the gym. And she said and I'm loving it. And she said, suddenly, I realized that I wasn't lazy. And I love that point. I think it's also important for us to understand that there is no real balance that what could because we were obsessed with being balanced.
00:28:30.929 --> 00:28:54.419
But actually, when you've got young kids, you can't continue being what uh, you know, I was talking to her mother yesterday, you said that she had these, her young daughter and she sort of tried to carry on her life the way it was before and it was incredibly stressful. And she says, You know her, her new children came along later and she says I now look back and I wish I'd been kinder to myself.
00:28:54.749 --> 00:29:04.499
And I think as your kids get into the teenage years just being we get into that stage where it is a bit easier but it's also very stressful because other problems are happening.
00:29:04.499 --> 00:29:11.669
Yeah, it's just different to that you get finding thinking that you should have this fictional balance is a
00:29:11.670 --> 00:29:17.490
really good point balance balance doesn't exist it fluctuates in its day to day thing is what do I need today.
00:29:17.910 --> 00:29:39.450
And it's but it's I often I remember you know, I was on my own with the kids and when they were younger i i would i would not put myself first because I thought I should put them first and sometimes it would have been better to do something nice or excellent whatever whatever the thing was, and because they also because they are the you know benefiting from that. And
00:29:39.450 --> 00:29:54.990
you know, one little tip on that as well is your kids benefit if they see you having downtime because you're telling them that this is okay. And I now try and pull out a book and read it on a Sunday.
00:29:51.509 --> 00:30:15.839
Why not just sit down and read the people read about it. Don't Don't read it on your phone read because I say to my husband stop reading on your Phone by getting, yeah, so that they can see that you're not just fiddling around on social media, and show them what you want them to be. But also show them who you are absolutely 100% safe space of just, it's okay to sit down and have an hour off and read 100% I
00:30:15.839 --> 00:30:20.670
mean, I do that all the time now, but I wish I'd done it earlier, which had really, really believed earlier.
00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:21.690
But now we go.
00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:44.160
Okay. Yeah, any other little? We can bring this up as we go along, copy and think, Okay, well, I thought that was really useful. Yeah, I learned a lot from you. And likewise, yes, thank you. If you know anyone who might benefit from this episode, pause, send it send a text to somebody send a whatsapp to someone and say, Hey, listen to this. Yeah. And I'd love
00:30:44.160 --> 00:30:50.190
to hear what listeners think they had done differently to what was what do you wish you'd done differently?
00:30:50.190 --> 00:30:53.309
And it's not a kind of bashing yourselves over the head thing.
00:30:53.880 --> 00:30:56.130
What you think you've done?
00:30:53.880 --> 00:30:59.339
Well, like, celebrate, maybe that should be the next one.
00:30:56.130 --> 00:31:01.589
What have you done? Well, can we sit here and be really smug?
00:31:04.650 --> 00:31:31.680
Yeah, little add on here. One thing I'm doing now is one of my New Year's resolutions, and I have a whole thing about how you can set up you this resolution works for me. And I only focus on one thing at a time. And my thing this time is the joy of friendship, which ties into the community. So what I'm doing is really focusing on my friendships and building back in the friendships that bring me joy, making sure I'm seeing them. Yes. And I like that.
00:31:31.890 --> 00:31:45.299
Yeah. And but you see, this is I'm doing this well. And the reason I mentioned it is because it also ties into this stage of my mothering that my children are now starting to, you know, my daughter's saying, Oh, I'm, I'm away this weekend, right?
00:31:45.660 --> 00:32:28.349
And this slow transition, what I'm slowly doing is I'm building that community again. But it's also great practice for me, because I know that when my kids leave home, or when they're at university or whatever, I'm the person who's going to have to reach out. Yes, I am going to have to continue building that relationship. If I really want it to flourish. Yes. Because when you don't spend time together, and they're growing, and they're learning other things, that that distance gets bigger and bigger. So why is practice 100 Plus Frank, just so I've been practicing setting up groups, I've been practicing arranging things turning up not saying, Oh, actually, I can't make no note. Everything. I just turn up to everything good. Yes, that sounds really very fast with myself. And it's my New Year's resolution. And while I'm doing so, you're
00:32:28.349 --> 00:32:34.799
so right. We it's us that we did we talked about that in the empty nest syndrome didn't really know it's us that we need to go out and get our life.
00:32:36.150 --> 00:32:46.680
I need to build those friendships. And also that's hot, the whole community thing and they see that and they heart and then they can come back and be part of a community that you've been building back in again. It's all healthcare.
00:32:46.680 --> 00:32:50.339
It's all healthy. Right? Yes.
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You can leave a review on a podcaster. Yes. Or on our website www.teenagersuntangled.com.
00:32:53.910 --> 00:33:00.930
We're on social media. Suze, you are where
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I am on social media. And all my links are in my website, which is www.amindful-life.co.uk.
00:33:10.259 --> 00:33:32.309
Yeah, and I do write a newsletter from time to time I'm not very I'm a bit erratic. It's another thing I need to work on. But I tried to scoop up some of the things I've seen in in the news in that just so that there's extra information for people. So if you want to sign up for that, you can find the way to sign up for it on the website. That's it for now. See you soon. Bye bye for now. See you soon.
