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88: Is it a constant battle to get your teens to do the right thing? Getting them to bed on time, eating healthily, keeping their screen time to an acceptable level are all problems that come up regularly. So when a listener asked for a script to use to get her teens into bed I decided that it was worth delving into what other parents are doing right and how we can adapt their behaviour to our own households.
The research has made me rethink my own life structure and the importance of routine in decluttering my life.
KEY REFERENCES:
Atomic Habits - James Clear
Podcast with Angela Duckworth - No Stupid Questions - 186 Do You Need a Routine?
App I've started using: Streaks
RESOURCES USED:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/the-importance-of-routine/
https://zapier.com/blog/daily-routines/
https://journals.lww.com/iycjournal/fulltext/2007/10000/Family_Routines_and_Rituals__A_Context_for.2.aspx
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/
SOME LISTENER RESPONSES:
Melissa: I don't think I said much. Other than you sleep better if you don't do tech just before bed. I think intially the cut off was an hour before bedtime. Which gave flexibility to give them a ten minute warning etc. Son mostly now stops tech before without prompting.
Grant: As part of screen time, there is an option to set down time on each of their devices. It works well for us.
Natalie: No phones, laptops or TVs in their rooms after 9.30pm but equally we, as parents, have to do the same. Read before bed, everyone asleep by 10.30pm latest on a school night. Not had to resort to plan B yet (WiFi turned off) as they do it. Lead by example. Also no phones or TV at dinner and we all eat together every night. I'm a big believer in systems and routines. Less arguments as no suprises.
Ashleigh We try and stick to 8pm cut off. And it helps when they have sports training they need to sleep for
Holly
We have a 9pm cutoff. Phone gets plugged in in the hallway outside the room
Sarah I have a cut off too. I started this when they were younger and then each year gradually increased the cut off, but they had to prove to me that they could come off their devices at the allotted time and get up for school the next day without any arguments. If they didn’t come off at the agreed time or were difficult the next morning, the agreement was that they would lose some screen time the next night by coming off earlier.
I work on a “prove you can be trusted” basis with both my teens for almost everything. I rarely have trouble with them as they can see the benefits of trust e.g. they get to do more! it’s worked wonders for my 17 year old who is having the time of her life going to lots of “social gatherings”because she has proved trustworthy- always comes home at the agreed time and is doing well in college
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
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Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
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Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
