Ask Rachel anything Drugs are everywhere; whether they are being peddled by pharmaceutical companies to fix medical problems, used as performance enhancers, or just for kicks, there's a really high chance that our teens will be offered them by someone. The big question is how can we talk to our teens about them in a way that discourages dangerous habits or situations whilst letting them know that they can come to us for help and advice about what they're seeing and doing? We discus…
Ask Rachel anything As a parent, have you ever felt overwhelmed by the sheer size of your job and the range of the responsibilities it involves? Do you ever feel like you've done enough, or are you always suffering with the nagging feeling that you are falling short and it's your fault that things aren't perfect? Well Clare certainly has, so she asked us to talk about Mom guilt. What we discovered has blown our minds. Also, have you ever had that horrible feeling that your tee…
Ask Rachel anything Have you ever caught your teenager lying to you? Let's face it, lying is part of everyday life. In fact an entire film was made on the premise of a lawyer incapable of telling a lie for 24 hours. The result is comedy, but we all know that it can be serious. Our challenge is teaching kids to be truthful to us when it matters, and to be able to tell the difference between the sorts of lies that oil relationships in a healthy way and the ones that will ultimately...
Ask Rachel anything Do you have a teen at home who's all sweet and loving with one parent, but treats the other like they're a bad smell? Karen says she feels like running away because she's walking on eggshells in her own house, with a daughter who is rude to her but sweet and kind to her husband. Why do they do it and how can we, as both a parent and partner, make things better for everyone? Also, it's been around since the Ancients: Personal expression using hair dyes,…
Ask Rachel anything When we covered the issues of friendship groups, with girls in mind, we had a massive reaction from parents who have been struggling to understand what's going on. Now it's the turn of boys. When friendships work, they are extremely beneficial, but what causes boys to struggle with their mates, and how can we help them? Also, how do you deal with swearing in your family? Is it absolutely forbidden, does it matter who's doing it and when, or are you all a bi…
Ask Rachel anything The rate of self-harm among young children in the UK has doubled over the last six years according to recent research compiled by the British Broadcasting Corporation. Keith Hawton, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Oxford, told File on 4 the data on self-harm was “in keeping with what we’re finding from our research databases. It’s almost as though the problem is spreading down the age range. One analysis of self-injury behaviour across more than 40 co...
Ask Rachel anything The anxiety epidemic: In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control. Suggested books: · The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry · Breaking free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD, Eli Lebowitz. The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt https:...
Ask Rachel anything WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT. Pornography is probably as old as art itself. Whether you indulge, or wouldn't go near it, there has never been a time when it is more graphic, or readily available to children and teens, with the knock-on impact on their own attitudes towards sex and relationships. Just for context, an unbelievable 42 billion individual visitors accessed Pornhub in 2019, averaging more than 115 million visits per day, and that was before Covid-19. That…
Ask Rachel anything A definition of bullying: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3918673/ Negative physical, verbal, or relational actions that (a) have hostile intent, (b) cause distress to the victim, (c) are repeated and (d) involve a power imbalance between perpetrators and victims. What researchers have learned about it: There is no single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bu...
Ask Rachel anything Lone parenting: One of Susie’s superpowers has been raising three kids alone, so this time we look at some of the issues of lone parents, and some top tips for managing well. We talk about positive modelling of the opposite sex, the stresses on teenagers and how to support them, and how to use mindfulness to find your way through the stresses of doing it alone. Links to resources I dipped into are below. We’d love to hear if there are any specific issues you’d like t...
Ask Rachel anything If you know the film Mean Girls you're no stranger to the concept that teen friendship groups can be fraught with problems. Whilst the film illustrates an extreme version of the issue any parent of girls will be familiar with the angst they can cause. With the help of the book Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, Susie and I look at how you can coach your daughter positively through this tumultuous time. Below are top tips I gleaned from the book: Wiseman bre…
Ask Rachel anything More than half of UK parents in one study were concerned that excessive screen time while schools were closed could cause addiction later down the line, so if you feel the boundaries have shifted you're not alone. Don't panic: Common Sense Media and the WHO (when adding gaming disorder to their list of diseases) say it's not how many hours are spent on screens, it's what your teen is using screens for and the impact it has on how they feel and the othe…
Ask Rachel anything Is conflict never-ending in your home, or are your teenagers benefitting from having a sibling? We talk about our own experiences - memories of driving our own siblings up the wall - and the research we've read that will help you to make the situation positive. One thing to note is that if you have an only child don't panic. There are some enormous benefits of not having a sibling; it's just different. Top tips from Positive Parenting Solutions for reducing…
Ask Rachel anything Covid has given everyone a real bashing. For teenagers, one upside is that we now talk more about mental health, but at the same time our teens have been stuck in their rooms on digital devices. The number using social media for four hours or more has increased dramatically. Seeing people who aren't in lockdown having fun or looking glamorous just at the time when they want to be branching out is very difficult for teens. A recent analysis for the BBC sa...
Ask Rachel anything A healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group. Influences: Family environment,Ability/disabilityAttitudes of peersSocial mediaCultural bac...
Ask Rachel anything We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them? And our listener’s question comes from Emma: '‘My fourteen year old is very musical, but wants to st…
Ask Rachel anything Our teens are growing up in a world of TikTok, You Tube and Instagram, places full of barely dressed people talking freely about body positivity and sex. It’s hardly surprising that they might have a different view of what’s acceptable from that of their parents. In the UK, sex is legal at age 16, but any sexual images of a person under 18 are deemed child pornography, even when the person sending them is the creator. Research compiled in the UK for Cultureframed.org...
Ask Rachel anything Remember those years when your child followed you everywhere, and gazed at you with adoring eyes because you knew everything? Have they now turned into a teenager who simply grunts, or screams at you, when they occasionally emerge from their bedroom? Changes in a teenage brain help them to develop abstract thinking and self-reflection but they also make them hyper-critical and keen to develop emotional distance so they can practice life without you around. What to do: D..…
Ask Rachel anything You only have to scan the jokes on birthday cards in the shops to see how much drinking alcohol is ingrained in our culture as both fun and an escape from drudgery. So there's little wonder that teenagers can be eager to join the club. But when should we let them start, and how do we keep them safe? And in tangling with our teenagers Alex asks "How do I stay connected with my teenager when they argue, and don’t seem to want me anymore?" Join Susie and Rache…
Ask Rachel anything Just when you thought that you’d got the hang of parenting, your child changes again... and now they're a teenager. In this episode, we have a rummage in your parenting toolbox to work out what’s in there, and how useful it actually is. And in Tangling with your Teenager, we gather all of your suggestions to answer Natalie’s question. ‘How do I get my son to do what I say, and tidy his room?’ Answers range from taking the door off to pretending there are mice in the …
