Jan. 27, 2026

Positive Parenting: Using Strengths to Motivate and Understand our Kids

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Ask Rachel anything We want our kids to do as well as possible, so when they mess up, do dumb things, or seem to be failing, it's easy to focus on their mistakes and what they should do instead. Naomi Glover, a leading applied neuroscientist and brain health specialist, says we'd get the best out of our kids by doing the opposite; focusing on their strengths. Coming from a neurodivergent family, she truly understands the challenges faced by ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurotypes and...

Ask Rachel anything

We want our kids to do as well as possible, so when they mess up, do dumb things, or seem to be failing, it's easy to focus on their mistakes and what they should do instead.

Naomi Glover, a leading applied neuroscientist and brain health specialist, says we'd get the best out of our kids by doing the opposite; focusing on their strengths.

Coming from a neurodivergent family, she truly understands the challenges faced by ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurotypes and offers practical, easy-to-use “brain hacks” for things like anxiety, focus, and emotional regulation.

Naomi believes that once we understand how our brain works, we can work with it—not against it this episode gives us those tips.

Naomi Glover:

https://neuro-informed.com

Find your strengths:

PARENTS:

https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/pro/parentingstrengths/account/register

UNDER 18'S: https://StrengthBoostU18.pro.viasurvey.org/

Top tips:

Lead with strengths, not deficits
- Regularly name what your teen does well (kindness, perseverance, curiosity, humour, etc.) instead of only correcting what’s missing.
Swap judgment for curiosity
- Use phrases like “I noticed…”, “Tell me more about what happened”, and “What could we do differently next time?” to keep conversations safe and open.
Use recognition as rocket fuel (especially with ADHD/RSD)
- Give specific, genuine praise:
  - “That was really kind leadership when you…”
  - “I really appreciated you helping with the washing up – that was great teamwork.”
Reduce brain overload with routines and single-tasking
- Build simple, predictable habits (e.g. “Saturday is bed-linen day”).
- Avoid multitasking; do one thing at a time and protect focus where possible.
Teach nervous-system resets
- Use quick tools for you and your teen:
  - Breathing: in for 4, out for 8, 3–5 times.
  - Nature breaks: ~20 minutes outside to reset attention and mood.

teenagersuntangled.substack.com

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My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
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You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

00:00 - What Is Strengths-Based Parenting?

01:20 - Why Neurodivergent Teens Hear So Much Negativity

03:00 - Curiosity: The Character Strength That Changes Everything Naomi unpacks curiosity as one of the 24 VIA character strengths, showing how it boosts wellbeing, health, and longevity, and how curious questions reduce blame and stigma at home.

05:50 - Using ‘I Noticed…’ Instead of Criticism with Teens Rachel shares how replacing loaded phrases with “I noticed…” helps diffuse conflict, especially in neurodivergent families, and opens the door to calmer, more collaborative conversations.

07:10 - RSD, Emotional Dysregulation and Angry, Avoidant Teens Naomi explains Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), why criticism can feel like a physical gut punch, and how repeated rejection leads to anger, shutdown, and demand-avoidant behaviour.

09:53 - Recognition-Responsive Euphoria and the Power of Specific Praise Naomi introduces recognition-responsive euphoria—the surge of joy when neurodivergent kids feel truly seen—and gives examples of using specific, strengths-based praise for everyday tasks.

15:08 - Identifying Family Strengths and Reducing Conflict at Home Rachel and Naomi discuss using strengths profiles (kindness, perseverance, leadership, etc.) to understand why family members prioritise different things and how that lowers blame and resentment.

22:03 - Brain Health, Burnout and the Myth of Multitasking for Parents Naomi reframes brain health as an umbrella for mental health and performance, discusses midlife brain changes, why multitasking makes burnout worse, and how single-tasking protects your brain.

26:38 - Routines, Habits and Reducing Cognitive Load for Overwhelmed Parents Rachel and Naomi explore how simple routines (like “Saturday is bedding day”) and pre-decisions (clothes laid out, regular chores) free up mental space and reduce daily overwhelm.

30:23 - Attention Restoration, Nature Breaks and ADHD-Friendly Strategies Naomi shares research on attention restoration theory, how 20 minutes in nature can reset focus (and help ADHD kids as much as a Ritalin dose in some studies), plus the importance of doing

33:28 - Simple Breathing Techniques to Calm the Anxious Brain Naomi explains how the brain’s locus coeruleus responds to CO₂, and teaches the in-for-4, out-for-8 breathing pattern and “physiological sigh” as fast, evidence-based tools to reduce anxiety for teens

36:03 - There Is No ‘Normal’ Brain: Embracing Neurodiversity at Home Naomi and Rachel close by stressing that there’s no typical brain, only different strengths and wiring, and how a strengths-based, brain-informed approach can transform family relationships and

WEBVTT

00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:05.099
Rachel, hello and welcome to teenagers.

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Untangled the audio hug for everyone supporting anyone going through the tween and teenagers.

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I'm Rachel Richards, journalist, mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters. Now if you've been listening for a while, you'll know that I'm always on the lookout for positive, growth oriented strategies for both us parents and for our kids. So when I saw applied neuroscientists, brain health and neuro inclusion specialist Naomi Glover, use the term strengths based parenting, I instantly wanted to know more, because I've discovered that one of the very best things we can do as a parent is to point out to our kids what they do well, and focus in on that, rather than endlessly criticizing them for what they're missing. This is particularly true of neurodivergent kids and adults, but it's for everybody. In this episode, we'll unpack what we mean by strengths based parenting, how we do it, also key tips about our own brain health and why burnout isn't a personal failing. Thanks for joining us, Naomi, thanks so much for inviting me. So first of all, and the thing that attracted me to your work was strengths based parenting. How can you explain what we know about strengths based focuses?

00:01:19.739 --> 00:01:20.659
Yeah, I think

00:01:21.079 --> 00:01:35.359
the really interesting stuff about focusing on strengths, well, there's a few things, but one of the things is that we hear so many negative things throughout our childhood and as adults as well.

00:01:31.219 --> 00:01:38.060
And in particular, you mentioned it's particularly good for neurodivergent people.

00:01:38.299 --> 00:01:52.420
Absolutely true, and that's because neurodivergent people tend to hear even more negative things than other people, because they get things wrong, they forget things they they're not behaving in the classroom.

00:01:48.640 --> 00:02:58.000
That's the the expected behaviors are are different, and our cultures and our schools haven't really caught up with that yet. So people hear a lot of negative things, and so they end up believing an awful lot of negative things about themselves. And so often what we hear is people think that they're lazy or they're rubbish, or them they're forgetful, or they're hopeless, or they're, you know, they're, they're not very clever. These are the things that we hear over and over again, and it just breaks my heart, because all they've heard is the negatives, and so it sets them up for a lifetime of feeling anxious and lacking confidence that can be changed so easily if we take more of a strengths based approach, so if people instead understand what their own strengths are and start being recognized for those strengths. It can be a complete turnaround. I remember yesterday I was hearing you talk about curiosity, so I would, I would love to kind of dive into curiosity a little bit as one of those strengths.

00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:04.080
What I think, I think curiosity, is that the the thing that keeps us engaged with the kid, doesn't it? So I think

00:03:04.139 --> 00:05:57.999
So curiosity is really interesting because but partly for me, because we know more about how it works in the brain. But it's also one of those 24 character strengths that was identified back back here, about 30 years ago, I think, by Martin Seligman and his brilliant scientists at the University of Pennsylvania, and they identified these 24 character strengths and and there's a questionnaire that you can do that helps you identify what your top strengths are, what are the ones that you use the most, what are the ones you use the least? And some of those strengths are things like curiosity and kindness, and other things are things like perseverance or teamwork. And I sent you a link, so if anybody wants to have a go, they can try it with their with their children as well. But curiosity, I think, is a particularly useful one, because it's one of the strengths that is most associated with a life of well being, of feeling better about yourself and lifetime satisfaction and and better health, and actually better longevity as well. So you live healthier, better, longer, you know, have a better quality of life. And one of the things that we know about curiosity is that it can reduce that sense of blame and stigma that that often crop up. So for example, if you're, if you're speaking to a child or or to a peer or somebody at work, and you say, you know, I can't believe you didn't do that. You know, that's, that's dreadful. There's a sort of a sense of blame, you know, what? Who's responsible for doing this? What? What happened there? Instead of this curiosity about, oh, okay, that's interesting. So I noticed that this has happened, and tell me more about that, you know, what? What could we have done differently, like that? What could we do different? In the future to make sure that doesn't happen. And so it means that not not only do you feel less a sense of blame, so you can make a more psychologically safe environment at home or at work or anywhere, but when you get curious and you ask then you start asking better questions, and when you ask better questions, you get better answers. So if you start asking yourself things like, Oh, why am I so rubbish, your brain will absolutely come up with a million reasons as to why you're so rubbish. Brain is really good at answering questions. So I think one of the things about curiosity is not just about being curious, but trying to ask yourself better questions. So it's things like, what made that happen in that way? What would I like it to have been? How could I change things in the future to make it work more the way that I would like? And so you're asking yourself better questions, so you start getting

00:05:58.120 --> 00:06:00.160
better answers.

00:05:58.120 --> 00:06:14.040
And the piece that you're referring to was where I was saying that when your child does something and you're prompted to go, instead, just go, oh, and I love that word you used. Notice.

00:06:10.019 --> 00:06:21.319
I noticed because where with my kids, I have found that just if I say oh, I've noticed then it's a much less packed, loaded word, isn't

00:06:21.439 --> 00:07:13.019
it absolutely so in in our household? Yeah, we've got a very neurodivergent household. I have ADHD. I didn't find out till I was 45 and I kind of look back and go, How did it take me so long to realize that at the same time, my daughter was diagnosed with dyslexia, dyscalculia when she was at school, and then she didn't get her diagnosis of ADHD until she was 18, and my son, now age 17, also has a diagnosis of ADHD. And My poor husband, who doesn't have ADHD, but does have dyslexia and dyscalculia, and we recognize that every everybody's brain is working differently, and everybody's good at different things. But when people, particularly with ADHD, I don't know how much you've talked about RSD on your podcast rejection, I

00:07:13.019 --> 00:07:27.620
mentioned, yes, I have, but, but we can't talk about it enough to be honest with you, because I think I do actually have listeners who are struggling with kids who are really angry and and in a lot of pain. And let's talk about this.

00:07:27.620 --> 00:07:47.800
Yeah, it's it's a huge issue. Emotional dysregulation still isn't recognized as part of the diagnosis for ADHD and RSD rejection. Sensitive dysphoria is something which is really common in people with ADHD, but also is common with other neurotypes and with people who've experienced a lot of bullying in the past as well.

00:07:47.800 --> 00:08:52.179
And what it means is that when somebody feels a sense of being rejected or told off or that they've done something wrong, they feel it much more strongly than most people and and they feel it often really quite physically. So they feel it as a as a physical gut punch. It's painful. It's physically painful. And we see on brain scans now the emotional hurt that people get from feeling rejected lights up the same part of the brain where we feel physical pain. So there is a really big overlap between that sort of emotional pain and physical pain. It's not it's not something to be easily dismissed. It's genuinely painful for people. And so when they're experiencing this over and over and over again, of course they they want to avoid doing things because the idea of doing something wrong is is so awful and so painful, they'd rather not do anything at all, so they'll, you know, what we get then is a lot of this avoidance kind of behavior. Do you want to come and do this?

00:08:48.820 --> 00:09:09.419
No, I don't want to do that. You know, the the demand that, that kind of demand, avoidant behavior, which, which people are increasingly struggling with I think we don't have enough research on it, but I'm really getting the sense that a lot of it is down to this same RSD thing.

00:09:44.608 --> 00:11:16.028
My neurodivergent daughter was extremely argumentative about anything, very emotionally reactive. And I think this is a really important thing that we need to talk about, because both with her and with the research I did for my episode on how to create rules and consequences that work, what I discovered was that the way you get rules and consequences that work, it's By connecting with them, asking curious questions, making them understand that you're not trying to make them do things, that you're actually trying to understand them better. And once they understand that you're on their side and that you're only trying to achieve goals that align with what they want to do, you can achieve pretty much anything, and I found it extraordinary. Larry, and once I clicked, everything started to change at home and in school for my daughter. So at the age of 16, everything was going wrong for her for all sorts of reasons, but many of the reasons you talk about and I I realized I needed to be much more involved and engaged in promoting the positive, and it doesn't happen overnight. So the thing I worry about with parents is they try something and they go, it doesn't work. She's not listening, and you have to be consistent with this. So I learned to focus on the skills and the things that she was doing really, really well, and once they feel seen and recognized,

00:11:17.049 --> 00:11:18.429
they start to open up,

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they relax.

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They're like, Oh, okay. And then they're much more likely to listen to what we say, aren't they?

00:11:23.409 --> 00:12:05.929
Yeah, absolutely, I was really fortunate, because one of the things that I did before I had children, I was super interested in self development anyway, because I'd had such awful anxiety and panic attacks and things as a teen and young adult, it was just awful, absolutely so debilitating, and so I'd spent a lot of time trying to work out. Well, what can I do? How can I help myself to feel better? Well, you know, there must be something out there. And a doctor had said to me something about cognitive behavioral strategies and for for a number of reasons, I wasn't able to see a cognitive behavioral therapist. I couldn't I couldn't access that nice because I couldn't leave the house because of the anxieties.

00:12:05.929 --> 00:12:45.689
But I thought, Well, if that's a thing, and if there's some there's something that can help, and it's called cognitive behavioral therapy, or cognitive behavioral strategies I'm going to learn about that, and then, if they can do it, I can learn what it is, and then I can learn how to use that. I was always quite curious. I thought, well, I'll just learn how to do that then. So I got some books, and I learned about that, and I found that was really helpful. And I started gradually being able to reduce my own anxieties about things. And then I was increasingly interested in, how can this help other people? So I ended up training as a coach in 2003 before most people had, you know, looked at what coaching was in the

00:12:45.750 --> 00:12:48.089
UK, at least, yes, I remember that, yeah.

00:12:49.469 --> 00:13:16.809
And so, so I trained as a coach before I had kids. And so when I had kids, I was already in this mode of asking questions rather than telling people what to do. And I suppose I sort of naturally, I hated being told what to do as a kid, so I thought, well, perhaps I'll just try using this coaching type technique, which I coincidentally had already trained in, and that's just the way I always parented my kids.

00:13:16.809 --> 00:13:26.649
And so though, all the way through, I would ask them questions, if they were struggling with something, we'd Well, what's what's the problem?

00:13:23.289 --> 00:14:09.169
What could we do about it? How could I help? Is there anything you need help with? What could you do? And so it was always very question based, and I was trying to work out when, you know, when I realized that they both had ADHD, and my daughter, in particular, the RSD as well, I was trying to work out why we hadn't had such massive flare ups as so many of the people that I worked with. And I think that it's just because I was really lucky that, coincidentally, I had trained as a coach, and so I wasn't telling them what to do so we didn't have that initial do this. I don't want to, you can't make me those sorts of conversations just didn't happen because I was not not giving them anything to fight against.

00:14:09.230 --> 00:14:19.750
Well, yes, and I was coaching parents of kids between three and 13, in inner city London, and that's one of the things that I focus on.

00:14:17.169 --> 00:14:59.089
Doesn't mean that you do it very well at home. So I knew how to talk to kids, so that they listened and listened, so that they would talk to me. I think that for all parents, it's a journey. So I just want to say to parents, you know, that one of the things that we can do is just start practicing these core skills, and they then blossom and asking questions and listening, so that your genuine listening, I think, is one of the most powerful things we can go through these quizzes, if the parents are interested in the quizzes and the strengths, like figuring out my kids strengths, and that's a structured way of doing it. But if you're not going to do that, for example, but you want to start working on strengths based parenting. How would that look? In practice?

00:15:00.589 --> 00:15:38.789
People have started to hear about RSD, rejection, sensitive dysphoria, but a lot of people haven't heard about the opposite, which people with RSD also have, which is called recognition, responsive euphoria. And this is this sense of absolute joy and and outsized emotional delight when you get told that you're doing something right, or that somebody says, Thank you. That was really helpful. And I think this is why so many people ADHD end up on stages, because at the end of it, you get a nice big.

00:15:33.009 --> 00:16:13.429
Round of applause. So there's, there is a lot of ways that you can kind of tap into that. So it means that, for example, if you wanted a child to do something like the washing up, and if you, if you say to them, I can't believe you haven't helped with the washing up like this washing up needs doing. Come on. Then that's kind of projecting this sense of guilt, and they're going to feel guilty and rubbish and recoil. Whereas if you said something like, is there any chance that you might be able to give me a hand with the washing up? It'd be amazing. And then typically, one of them will come through. Yeah, sure. Oh, thanks so much. That's really helpful.

00:16:13.909 --> 00:16:55.370
You know, it's really kind of you to help me with that. That was a kind thing to do, or that was really good leadership when you, when you were with that group of friends, and, you know, they were all wanting to go and do something a bit dodgy, and you, you kind of managed to negotiate something else. So it's about helping them and and yourself as a parent as well, to recognize, well, what's the strength that I used then and and how can I make the most of the strengths that I have? And so, for example, my my daughter and I, we have different strengths, and my strength was always one of the ones that came top for me was always kindness.

00:16:52.230 --> 00:18:31.029
And I remember thinking, kindness, that's a bit of a rubbish strength, you know, I'd like lead, but no kindness. And as it turns out, kindness is another one, like Curiosity, that that generally helps with well being, because if you're kind to other, your cortisol levels go down. It's good for inflammation. You know, there's, there's all sorts of health benefits of being kind, or even seeing somebody else being kind are actually good for your nervous system. So I was always very kind. And she would say, Mum, could you help me with this thing? And I would say, oh, yeah, sure, no problem. And I would drop everything I was doing and go and help her, and then go back to my what I was doing and think, oh, where was I? Oh, God. And then I would get a bit stressed, because I was trying to pick up on, you know what I'd been doing before, and when you know, I'd say, Katie, is there any chance you could help me with something? And she got absolutely no problem, and I'll do it as soon as I finish this other thing. When we compared our strength, my top strength with kindness, her top strength was perseverance. How interesting. So it wasn't that she wasn't being kind. It was just that her top strength is perseverance. So her thing would be, I'll finish what I'm doing and then I'll come and help you, whereas mine was, I'll help you drop everything. And so there is a there's an interesting thing where if you know what your strengths are, and you know the strengths of the other people in your family, then you can understand a bit more why they might prioritize something else instead of the thing that you might prioritize, which gives you insight and more understanding and then, and then. The other thing is that when you understand what other people's strengths are like, for example, if I'm struggling with something that's perseverance related, Katie, you get a minute. Could you help me with my perseverance?

00:18:32.950 --> 00:18:50.369
Yes, that gives her a role. I want to mention the washing up. It's so funny that you talk about that, because that's one of those things that bugs a lot of parents. And I've switched the way that we talk in the household to, I never say, Help.

00:18:46.649 --> 00:18:56.869
Could you help me? Because I that assumes it's my job. So I now say, you know, teamwork. So who in the team's going to do this, who's going to do that?

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And then at the end, I say, great teamwork. Thanks for that.

00:19:00.049 --> 00:19:05.149
And my daughter was washing up the other day, and we were all like, my husband's drying up, I'm wiping down the counters.

00:19:05.450 --> 00:19:37.170
She did everything, and then left the one pan that was really, really, you know, scabby, horrible, soaking, soaking. And later on, he said I noticed she didn't bother doing that. And I said, shush, let's not focus on that right now, because we're making so much progress. Should we do that another time? You know, like next time, I'll go, oh, by the way, the pan. But I just think it's one of those things where you sort of have to pick your battles. And the fact that she is getting up, washing things up, this was not something she wanted to do in the past, and she's feeling part of a team.

00:19:37.170 --> 00:19:40.289
Big win, right? Yeah, don't focus on the little Yeah.

00:19:41.730 --> 00:19:44.369
Oh so, so much yeah, you're absolutely spot on.

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Because as soon as you focus on the thing that went wrong, then it, particularly in a neurodivergent mind, it's all, it's like everything else is discounted, everything else is dropped, everything and all the focus, the whole focus, is on the negative. And essentially, speaking with my daughter this weekend, and I said, What do you think are the things that that make a big difference? And she said, with somebody who has ADHD, just because they haven't done a thing, just because they haven't put something away, it doesn't mean that they don't care. They might just have forgotten. So if you say, Katie, could you come put stuff away?

00:20:15.730 --> 00:20:22.629
Yeah, yeah, okay. And then she'd be embroiled in something else.

00:20:18.369 --> 00:21:07.369
And then my husband go, Katie, could you just come put and, oh, yes, yeah, absolutely. And so it was never a No, I won't, or a or a deliberate No, I'm not going to it was. More like, Oh, I've, you know, completely forgot all about it, or it didn't even see it because it wasn't on my radar. And if you start telling people off for it, they're making it out that they're doing it deliberately. It can just make them feel really, really guilty, and then that triggers the RSD and the avoidant thing, and they don't feel safe, they feel attacked. And when we don't feel safe and we feel attacked, then our cortisol levels go up, and we go into kind of fight or flight, and then we can't really engage with people in a normal, healthy way. And that's again, it's really common in families.

00:21:08.389 --> 00:21:58.789
Yeah, my daughter used to just say, No, I don't want to do that. And and I realized that actually, by giving her a choice of so which one of these jobs would you like to do? You know, if you're in the team, what do you which pick a job? I'm not going to tell you which one it all those those techniques for actually managing that need to feel like they matter, but at the same time that they actually have some control, can be incredibly empowering. So let's talk about the way that brain health works, because I know that you picked out that in Davos, they're now talking a lot more about brain health and its importance in the workplace, its importance in our lives. And I know that you were saying that the one of the big problems we've got is that we've only got one brain, and we've been segmenting it like, this is mental health. This is, you know, your performance, but it's all one of the piece. Can you talk a bit more about that?

00:21:58.789 --> 00:22:21.609
Absolutely, I'd love to. So brain health is quite a new concept. In the UK, they've been doing a lot of research into it, particularly in America for a long time, and other countries around Europe, there has been more a focus on brain health. It hasn't been the case in the UK. And so when we think about brain health, what we're talking about is a kind of umbrella term that includes mental health.

00:22:21.670 --> 00:22:40.769
So on a day to day basis, I'm running my home, my household, and, you know, I'm, I get overwhelmed. I'm, I feel a lot of burnout. I'm, what are the things that I can do as a parent to manage the you know, I'm going out to work, for example, or how can I manage things better in a way that will help my brain

00:22:41.129 --> 00:22:43.950
to cope? So, so for a

00:22:44.069 --> 00:22:59.990
parent, and I work a lot with parents in the workplace, and particularly mums hitting that kind of midlife point where we have massive brain changes. We know now that our brain changes massively.

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They change during menstruation, they change in pregnancy, they change in in menopause, our brains are changing a lot, particularly mums. Dads change too, but more mums and and so we we suddenly have times when our brains are less able to cope. So for example, when we hit perimenopause in our in our early 40s, typically, our brains are actually using less energy so they they have less energy to get things done, which is why we see a lot more brain fog. And brain fog is tricky, and can make you feel overwhelmed because you're trying to juggle so many things and it and until you get this sense of massive overwhelm. But if you do a few things that are kind of scaffolding for your brain, then your brain is better able to use the resources it has. So for example, we know if we sleep well, our brains will make better decisions, be less less anxious. If we've slept badly, then we're more likely to be anxious in the morning and feel feel more overwhelmed. We're less able to focus our decisions are poorer. So trying to optimize sleep, for example, is, is really, really important. And so a lot of people go to bed with a mobile phone, and then they wake up with a mobile phone, and they're scrolling a lot. And so we're kind of training our brains to be distracted, and our brains are changing all the time. It's, you know, it's a it's an organ, but it behaves more like a muscle, and it's changing all the time, and you can make it weaker and more distracted and more anxious, or you can make it stronger and more focused and more confident, depending on what you do. People think that multitasking is a great idea, so they try and do multitasking.

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Women in particular, think, Oh, well, I'm much better at multitasking because I'm a woman. And so they have this women are better at multitasking. No, exactly. Women are not better at multitasking.

00:25:05.149 --> 00:25:09.829
They do it more, but they're not. They're no better at it.

00:25:07.609 --> 00:26:15.909
That multitasking is you're constantly task switching. So if when people talk about multitasking, they're thinking, you're doing two tasks at the same time, but actually what you're doing is your brains having to co your brains having to constantly switch between things, which is exhausting, exactly. So the research shows that if you're trying to multitask, it takes you longer to do the task. You make more errors, and you get more stressed, so you feel more burnt out. And we see workplaces still saying we want people who are good at multi. Tasking. So part of my job is about saying to workplaces, okay, you need to make your workplace more brain friendly and stop asking people to do multitasking, and start training them to be better at single tasking, and then, effectively, task switching with a brain break in between so your brain can recover for five minutes and then you can do the next thing without feeling overwhelmed and turning off notifications and not being expected to be constantly answering emails and being distracted, because people need time to just focus, especially if they've got a deep thinking task you need. And ideally, it's a different space than the space where you're doing group work.

00:26:16.029 --> 00:26:33.549
So different spaces can really help, you know, a different space for focused work, compared to the space where you're all together and you're collaborating, it just helps your brain to get into a different mode of action and reduces the stress. Yes, I tell you what I've

00:26:33.609 --> 00:27:15.849
really come to understand, because I grew up in chaos and we didn't have any routines and not nothing to speak of. And it's only as I've sort of gone on through life, I've got more and more interested in it, and I have realized the unbelievably powerful support of habit and having habits that stop you having to constantly think about things. I think what we've got now is we've got a society where anything could happen at any time, and that can be more interesting for some people, because some people find routine very, very boring. But I think most people rely much more than they realize, on habit. And then, if you can put in place some very, very like I say, on a Saturday we strip our beds.

00:27:15.849 --> 00:27:45.389
Everyone, just strip your beds and we'll put some new bed linen on. Let's just do it on a Saturday. We don't have to think. We know that that's the day that happens, and otherwise we don't know. And then it's much more stressful for our brains. And when you do try and change your environmental things like when I come back from a holiday and I don't have my exercise in place, and I don't have, you know that I've got to get the kids back to school, and nothing is consistent. It's so, so stressful. So that's me rambling. What are your thoughts about habit?

00:27:46.470 --> 00:29:01.609
Yeah, I absolutely agree. If you think about your brain can only cope with so many things at once. And if you're trying to think about, what am I going to do next, and then what am I going to do, and then what am I going to and then I need to do this, and then I've got to, oh crush, and I've got to do that as well. Then there's less capacity for it to focus on the things that you really need to do or you really want to do. And so anything that you can do to kind of offload some of that cognitive load is really helpful. So decision making, for example, is it's like a muscle that gets tired. Your decision making capacity goes down like it's a tired muscle. It's really fascinating and and so if you're going to make some important decisions, do them early before your decision making capacity has has worn down. Don't be making big decisions last thing on a Friday, because that's a mad thing to do, and you'll make poorer decisions, those things like having a routine or having your clothes laid out the night before. And if I've, if I've made my clothes out the night before and I can just put them on. That's one less thing to focus on. Yes. And I remember hearing Mark Zuckerberg did that when he was building Facebook.

00:29:01.609 --> 00:29:20.170
And I thought, yeah, he just had all of his T shirts and all of his jeans, and they were all the same. He wore the same thing just so that he didn't have to make a decision about what he was going to put on. And I thought, yeah, okay. I don't agree with everything that Mark Zuckerberg does, but that it makes sense to have things that you don't have to think about.

00:29:20.170 --> 00:29:23.349
So if you can remove as many of the things as possible, that

00:29:23.828 --> 00:29:30.249
the routine things, things that happen regularly, yes, absolutely. Yeah. Brilliant idea. Yeah. But I

00:29:30.250 --> 00:30:02.509
also think that when we do that, we need to actually not just fill it with more stuff. We need to say, Okay, I've removed that. So now I get a little bit of time to just, like Wonder. And think I looked at my husband the other day, who was making coffee. And when I go to the coffee machine, I put the coffee machine on, and then I go and do I unpack the dishwasher, you know, I'm like, packing extra things in. And he just stands there watching the watching the coffee machine. And I just think he's the one who's got it, right? I mean, I don't know who's gonna unpack that dishwasher, but maybe I need to push that onto someone, right?

00:29:59.750 --> 00:30:06.710
But we need to try and find space in our Don't you think? I think we need to find space in our day where we literally just

00:30:06.710 --> 00:30:12.289
look out of the window and like, let our brain decompress. If you were

00:30:12.288 --> 00:30:18.428
going to advise somebody about that space for the your brain to just kind of calm down. What are the things that you might advise?

00:30:18.430 --> 00:30:28.329
There's a there's a new area of research into something called attention restoration theory, and it's about how you do exactly that.

00:30:25.149 --> 00:31:31.809
How do you restore your attention, which has got worn, worn down? How? How do you restore your focus, which is which has got frazzled? Little when you're when you're trying to do things. And there's some really interesting research that shows that, for example, when you go out and you spend even just a few minutes, even 20 minutes, in nature, when you go and go for a brief walk, or you take your attention away from the focus activity and into a space where your attention is more diffuse. It's spread out over, you know, looking at different things around you, that it enables you to kind of restore your ability to focus much, much better, so that when you come back, your attention will be much better, able to focus on the thing that you wanted to focus on. And so I think that I really like that idea, and I like that as a strategy. And they found that with children with ADHD, the that 20 minute time in nature was the equivalent to a Ritalin, which I thought, where's very interesting.

00:31:31.930 --> 00:31:37.049
Really, that's interesting. I need to kick my daughter out and make a girl more dog walks.

00:31:37.529 --> 00:31:50.430
Clearly, I used to be really guilty going out for a walk with my husband, and I going right and then I've got to do this, and I've got to do this, and I've got I'm dealing with this, and I've got a meeting about that tomorrow. And sometimes he'd say to me,

00:31:51.690 --> 00:32:00.829
that's a nice tree, isn't it? Look at that tree and I just stop a minute ago. Yeah, okay. It's just notice.

00:32:02.990 --> 00:32:06.470
Stop thinking.

00:32:02.990 --> 00:32:23.950
A lot of parents will recognize this, that the mental tabs are open all the time. And actually, it's really important to recognize that and say, I'm not going to avoid overwhelm if I don't allow myself to just close some tabs for a time and go off and do something completely different, that's restorative.

00:32:20.109 --> 00:32:30.789
Are there any other things that you think we should understand and and perhaps act on when it comes to brain health?

00:32:30.789 --> 00:32:39.869
We're really lucky now that we understand more about our brains, but still, most people aren't taught about it. They don't talk about it in schools, because it's

00:32:39.869 --> 00:33:20.289
quite new research, and it takes a long time for research to get your brain is changing throughout your entire life. So it's never too late to learn new things. Ever trusting you really curious about things can help you do that. So when, when you get curious about something, it actually helps you learn. It triggers parts of your brain that improve learning, improve engagement, improve your memory, and your brain kind of turns into a vortex for picking up more information. So if you wanted somebody to learn something that you think they might not be that interested in, or you wanted to then looking at something you're really curious about first, will help you do that, I think,

00:33:20.649 --> 00:33:30.909
as well, it's things like, there's, there's a little bit in your your brain called the locus ceruleus, which means blue spot, and it's right in the middle of your brain.

00:33:30.909 --> 00:34:10.789
It's this tiny little spot that spurts out this amazing stuff called noradrenaline throughout your brain, which helps you to focus. But if you've got too much of it, it makes you anxious, and if, if there's not enough, you're kind of demotivated. But they recently found out that this, this amazing stuff, actually responds to the amount of carbon dioxide in our blood. So what I know it's amazing, isn't that fascinating? So it's chemo sensitive. It responds to the amount of carbon dioxide in your blood, and so it fluctuates. And the more carbon dioxide in your when you when you change your breathing, it changes the amount that's actually being produced.

00:34:11.090 --> 00:34:29.889
So for example, and I teach this to as many people as I can, because it's such an incredibly useful thing, and it's so new that most people don't know about it, that if you breathe out for longer than you breathe in, then it reduces the amount of carbon dioxide in your blood.

00:34:26.230 --> 00:35:11.570
It reduces it reduces the amount of noradrenaline being produced, and it calms you down. And so I teach people, if you're about to go into an exam, if you're going to go into a stressful situation, if you're feeling a bit worried about something, you've got a big meeting, teach your children. Teach everybody, you know, even though they've been told in the past, oh, just breathe, breathe, you know, and I don't want to shut up, you know, that doesn't work, and it's because people haven't been told how they don't they've no idea. But if you breathe, if you breathe in for a count of four and then out for a count of eight, and even if you just do it three or four times, then your the noradrenaline immediately starts to reduce, and you start to feel calmer.

00:35:11.630 --> 00:35:33.369
It's just kicks in your your parasympathetic nervous system, your kind of rest and digest and everything comes down. Your whole nervous system starts to calm down. And it works as well if you, if you do a kind of physiological sigh when you go there's like really short in breath, long out breath. And again, you can do it anywhere.

00:35:30.369 --> 00:35:33.369
Nobody knows you're doing it.

00:35:33.369 --> 00:35:59.150
It's a complete. Secret. You can teach it to anybody really quickly, and it genuinely makes a massive difference. And so I every class I take, every workshop, every talk I do, I teach it to people, and you know, I ask them, you know, who's stressed, who's feeling overwhelmed, who's feeling anxious? Loads of hands. We do it two, three breaths, who's who's feeling better most of the hands. So it's really impactful.

00:35:59.449 --> 00:36:22.269
And it just teaches people that this is a brain thing, and you can, you can turn it down. So that's, I think that's a really super helpful thing, and and just recognizing that there's no such thing as a typical brain, you know, there's no, no brain is normal, and then there's no brain that's abnormal. It's just people's brains are different.

00:36:19.869 --> 00:36:22.269
They're wired differently.

00:36:22.269 --> 00:36:52.409
They're good at different things. And when we understand a little bit more about our own brain and the things that can help make it function better, if we want to, we can choose to do more of those things, and we know the things that make it function worse, like staying up all night and doom, scrolling and eating up processed foods and, you know, sitting in a room all by yourself, those things will make you function less well. So, you know, try and do less of the things that are going to be bad for your brain.

00:36:48.329 --> 00:36:59.750
Try to do a few more odd tweaks that are going to be better for your brain. And gradually, when you start noticing that your brain is functioning better, it becomes quite motivated.

00:36:59.750 --> 00:37:21.550
Yes, and I love the whole point being that once we start to understand that we will have strengths. And if you look at the other people in your family, quite often, we will look at them and go, Why aren't they doing this well? Because it's something we do well, and we don't understand why they can't do it. This focuses the mind on, well, what can they do?

00:37:21.550 --> 00:37:46.469
Well, maybe it's something I'm actually not very good at, and that's a good thing. That's a that's empowering, because maybe they can support me back. And I just think it's a really, really lovely switch. It's a tonal switch in the in the way we relate to each other, both our partners and our children and can really enable us to have a better sort of happier life. So brilliant, Naomi, I love what you're talking about. Thank you so much. If people want to find you, where would they come?

00:37:48.029 --> 00:38:11.869
So I'll give you my sub stack. I've only just started it, but I'm going to be posting more and more about brains, the best people. I was very yours. I love it. I love it. So I'll give you the link to my sub stack and my I'm on LinkedIn a lot. Amy Glover, you'll find me very easily on LinkedIn and neuro informed com.

00:38:06.529 --> 00:38:13.190
Neuro hyphen, informed com is my is my website?

00:38:13.728 --> 00:38:20.708
Amazing, amazing. Thank you so much, Naomi. If you want to find me, as she's just said, I'm on sub stack, it's kind of my new home.

00:38:18.248 --> 00:38:36.389
It's where the community is growing. So if you want to come on there, you'll find out other things I've written where I've expanded on stuff that's on the podcast. The paid subscribers get a PDF printout of top tips so that you've got a little handy guide, rather than having to sort of listen to everything.

00:38:33.668 --> 00:39:14.409
But obviously, listen to what helps, and I can also answer questions. So if you say this is happening, I'm not sure which episode would help, just give me a shout, and I'll tell you which episode to listen to to help you sort of pick through, because there's quite a lot of material there now and and I have a website, which is www.teenagersuntangled.com and my email address is teenagers untangled@gmail.com That's it for this week. Thank you so much. Big hug from me, bye, bye.

00:38:59.268 --> 00:39:14.409
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