Transcript
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Hello and welcome to teenagers untangled the award winning audio hug for parents going through the teenage years. I'm Rachel Richards parenting coach, mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters.
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I'm Suzie Asli the mindfulness coach, mindful therapist. mother of three teenagers two of them are too
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Susie. Have you heard the term bamboccioni? It's the Italian word for big babies or men who still live in the family home a long time past the average age that society deems normal. We heard about them recently there was a 74 year old woman from Italy who went to court to evict her 42 and 40 year old son's from home. And apparently they both have jobs.
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But they do nothing to contribute financially to household expenses or help with the chores.
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Wow, there is so much in that story.
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the judge agree that there was a maintenance obligation that the mother had me, which is a very real thing in Italy? Is it really interesting concepts that they have there? You're expected to care for your offspring as long as they need it. But the judge found that it no longer appears justifiable, given the duo are over 40.
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I mean, all I'm thinking of is what kind of communication does that family have? How and who would want to live in that house? Anyway?
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the mind boggles? Wow. Yes. So So I that's one extreme, and I think that's one of those stories, some experienced panic, and they think, Oh, I don't I don't want that. But that's extreme. Yeah.
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Anyways, so
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in very many ways.
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So one of our listeners had before this came out had asked us to talk about charging your teen rent. I don't know what age her teen is. But, you know, like, what should we be doing? Should we be charging rent? Why when all that sort of stuff. So I thought that's a really, really good topic. Even if you've got younger teens.
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It's worth sort of looking ahead and thinking how does this work?
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Anyway, let's have a quick look at nuggets before we move on.
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Susie, do you have anything?
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Yeah, I
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do. Mine's a bit. I don't know. I don't want it to sound mushy and smug. But
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we love mushiness. Oh, okay, good. Well, it's not good enough nice stories.
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Well, my eldest is at university, he's just started this term, and came back for a few days this week. And it was just so lovely. I dropped him back last night, and he's not very far away. So it was really easy. And it was just a really lovely few days. And it made it just loads of things landed, you know, from parenting them on my own for years. They're just, they're just all really respect and love each other. And we just had such a lovely few days. And they really miss each other.
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And, and yeah, and muck about and just really beautiful. And they said something, and he has said some really lovely things to all of us actually just really appreciates us. And it just, it just felt really lovely. And that's
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what we're all hoping for. Yeah. And also trying to grow. Yeah. And
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also on, you know, from a mindfulness perspective, as well, you know, it's a moment, you know, not going to try and cling on to that one, either. It's a moment and tomorrow, something might happen, where it's different.
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But in that moment, I can tell you, I savored it.
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That's important. Like you said, it's important to stop for those moments and just really enjoy it. Yeah. Now, coming back to the issue of whether our older teens should pay rent. I did a straw poll on Instagram, and everyone said yes. Oh, really?
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Yeah. But only if they're not in education. Okay. Okay. Which is interesting, because, of course, we didn't talk about well, what if they're doing an apprenticeship because that's becoming more common nowadays.
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So you're in apprenticeship.
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You're getting paid money.
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You're learning but you're working to get paid in masses?
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Masses? No. So I mean, it's just, you know, it's just an interesting addendum. And I have got the impression that in America, a lot of parents think that when a kid turns 18, they should start paying rent. Okay, I've seen a lot about that.
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Which is interesting, because with the science, more recent science has moved on. And we know that 18 is not the watershed. Right? Yeah. I mean, we know that up to 25. There still are, well, we're all our lives were developing, but there's particularly big growth and appearing develops. And I thought it would be interesting to delve into like, what how did we get here, this concept of teenagers and and then being in the home? And then when do they become adults? And I'm curious, do you know when the term teenager emerged? I don't. It only became common in the late 40s and 50s. And that was when UK schooling was made compulsory to the age of 15. And in the US high school graduation rates grew from less than 10% at the start of the century to around 60%. Crush by the mid 1950s. And at the same time, the sense that young people had a duty to serve their parents weakened. And there was a writer for New York The New Yorker who noted in 1958, to some extent, the teenage market, and in fact, the very notion of the teenager has been created by businessmen who exploit it. So it was a new market, it was a way that, you know, you sort of these people who were emerging as another category that you can sell to interesting. And what is interesting, in particular is that things have changed more recently, which is marked by, for example, when we did the teenage delinquency podcast, and I discovered that, that in the last 20 years, there has been a significant shift in the markers for kids turning into adults, or or, you know, sort of pushing the boundaries. So 17 and 18 year olds in US and Europe are now much more or less likely to have tried alcohol, had sex learned to drive a license got pregnant than teens. 20 years ago, things have really shifted.
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Yeah, it's amazing. And there was a very interesting book by Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott at the London Business School who proposed Well, it's, it's called the 100 year life, because this is another thing that's happening, which is we're living longer. And that's shifting the demographic to much older population, which is one thing, but also they argued that the three stage life so you go to school, you work, and then you retire. It's it's, it's irrelevant. There's not going to continue because because of this length of our lives, and actually they're saying it's ludicrous that we think that late teens and kids in their 20s should have some kind of grasp of what they're going to do for all of that time,
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they're going to change massively, yes, totally different now. Yes. And they,
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they say we should sort of be exploring and which is actually what my teen bonus daughter is doing. She sort of got to 25 actually is 26. And she has a really good job. She's given it up, because she said, that feels like the job I should be doing when I'm 40. And she's going traveling. I mean, she's got an idea for another for a business that she'd like to try out. And I said, you know, there's, how great could you save some money?
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Yeah, they're all going to be having different I think they term I don't know, they're going to have different careers, not just different jobs, that they're going to have different careers. So there's no there's not the same structure around it.
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Yes, yes. And I have a question for you. What's the word for someone who is not a child, but they're not yet a teenager? As a tween? Yes.
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What's the word for someone who's 18. But they're not yet a working adult.
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We don't have one layer that
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might be really good. We don't have so in. In ancient Greece, a young Athenian was called an aefi. And that was an 18 to 19 year old training to be a full citizen. And there was a German word quarterback fish, which was literally a big fish.
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And this was popped up and coming of age novels, and it was an adventurous girl who had an adult's independence paired with a child's reckless approach to risk. Yeah, sounds great.
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classic, classic German. But we don't, we don't isn't that interest? And I thought actually would be maybe because we're not really
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there. It's sort of an invent one.
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I think I mentioned a couple of my daughters just rolled their eyes and said, monster, it's ridiculous. So I won't even bring them out. But But yeah, we'll have to. I tell you what, why don't tell listeners, if any of you can come up with a good word for it. We need a word we do. Because it's yeah, you know, anyway.
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Yeah. No, seriously.
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So I guess the question is, you know, when do we start treating them, like, Where does this adult thing happen? And how does went? This is why I'm interested. Yeah.
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Because the race is not about the money is it? It's about responsibility and your attitude to life in general.
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There are some other transformations that have been happening, cost of living in America, the nuclear family has been undergoing a quiet transformation. So according to Pew Research, the number of kids living in multigenerational households is as high now as it was around 1950. Wow. And that's a historical peak of multi generational co residents. And it's more than double what they were in 1980s, which was the historic low of around 5% of kids interested in these houses?
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Yeah. Interesting. So with all the pluses and minuses that ring, yes, exactly. And wealth imbalances between older generations, and today's young people have only strengthened that trend. And in the UK, around 3.5 million single young adults now live with their parents, which is a third more than a decade ago. We've got a boomerang phenomenon here. Young adults go out, and then they're back again because they can't afford their own property.
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Right. It's actually just a part of it's been the pandemic impact lending tree showed that 32% of millennials and Gen Z has moved back with their parents during the pandemic. A lot of them haven't moved out, and it's house prices. thought, yes, my wages didn't match up. He just can't afford it. Yeah. So in it paying off student debt, trying to get a deposit all this stuff.
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So we So what's happened is mentally we're still back where we were 20 years ago. But I think things have really shifted. And this needs to be considered if we're talking about Yeah, absolutely. Also in Asia, you've done so much research, I just can't help myself. And the problem is, I curse myself because I spend ages trying to whittle it down, because it's interesting, I find it interesting. In Asia, most Asian societies feel that moving out is something that's disrespectful to your parents, I saw one anecdote where this guy who was 28 was saying, you know, I want to move out, but it took him months before he was prepared to broach it with his parents, because he felt like they would, they would be very upset by it very different, culturally, very different. And in Singapore, an estimated 97% of unmarried individuals up to 34 lived with their parents in 2013. In a recent survey, Trent in 2021, seven in 10 respondents in that age group were considering moving out in Singapore. So wow,
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yeah, that's a big shift. It's
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a big shift.
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And this is in spite of the fact that in Hong Kong and Taiwan, they have some of the highest rent prices in the world massive, massive, completely different, like two times more than homes in New York and London, which are very expensive. Yeah.
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But a desire to move out is definitely there. Yeah.
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And
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some of the anecdotes we're living with your parents can feel like everything is on autopilot, you're not fully taking control of your space or your diet, and you just eat what's on the table. And actually, the LGBT community is a big issue there, because there's a lot of prejudice against them. So people living at home can't live that life. A lot of them find it very oppressive. Awful. Yeah, so that's one of the things. Just a little one. When I was at university, my friend had an Italian boyfriend, he was older than her. And I remember him wanting to buy her a bracelet.
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And he had to have a family meeting, to ask the family if it was alright for him to buy this bracelet for her. Because the way their family finances was set up was that even though he was working, all his money went into the family account.
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Oh, wow, gosh, very different way of being. It's really
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interesting. So the reason I'm, I'm just trying to put it into context, because we got listeners all over the world. And this is going to mean different things to different people. You can't just say this is what you should do, right?
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And money is never just about money, who
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say, anyway, we're living in an era where more people are staying at home, they're staying at home longer.
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All that stuff. So let's go back to this. Should we charge rent?
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Not all experts agree.
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No, it's just pens on so much, doesn't it? Yeah. So much. I mean, I'm quite surprised. That's in your your straw poll that everyone said yes. I'm quite surprised by that. I would be a no.
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Interesting. But I would make it because it's about responsibility, I think isn't.
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And it massively depends on the family finances. So suddenly, if you have critical, you know, family finances where you need that extra income, then yes, of course, they should contribute.
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And there'd be a discussion about that. And that would only be fair. But if if they're, you know, going in and out of it, and it's more of a, I think sometimes it can feel a little bit like a gesture like that.
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You want them to take responsibility. And if they're still teenagers, that means 18, or 19, which is still pretty young, in their 20s, I would have a different opinion, I think. But as being teenagers. I think it's if it's about responsibility, I think. I think you can take responsibility and show responsibility in many ways that aren't necessarily contributing with finances. You can do more chores you can do, you can help out, you can do things and that might cost you money to do some of them. You might say, can you go shopping, and of course that's contributing to the family finances. That's a bad example.
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But you can do do lots of things that you're you're taking responsibility for being in the family at a different stage of your life. I think I would start with that.
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Yes. So the question is, is, so it's not all about money? No, it's about
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it's about taking responsibility and showing the distinction that now you are not, you're not going to school anymore. You're not in education, you are working and with that, and you want to stay at home with that comes a more adult or more mature responsibilities status.
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Some experts say it's actually detrimental to the teenage psych, the, we tell our children that they're loved, and that they're part of a family no matter what, you had a home and a family, but now you're 18 or whatever, you suddenly have to contribute to the household. I don't agree with that, though. I think that we are, I think it's more that you're part of a household and it's kind of contributing in the way that you can I don't see that as being damaging to the teenage psyche of you actually say, well, you're making some money by some loophole, but
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no, that's why it's so context.
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Yeah. is inconsequential? Absolutely,
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I think what I would do actually thinking about it is I would encourage my team to save and say, Look, I'm not going to charge you rent. But can you Why don't you put a little bit aside that maybe I could ask for, but I'm not going to put it aside or give it to me if you want to look after it.
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And then you can put that towards whatever you want to, you know, whatever your next stages, I think that would be a more sensible thing.
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Absolutely. One of the most interesting things that I saw people talking about where they said that they're very upset about the society, idea that if you're living at home, in your parents basement or whatever, then you're just a loser, because actually, it could be economically the most sensible thing to do, because you can set aside money for your studies or paying off your debts or, you know, getting yourself a car or all these things. And it could that that guy living at home at 25, or 28, saving for his future could set himself up in a way that's so much more sensible. It could be the smartest thing he's doing exactly, not not being of lumpier.
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And with the prices as they are now, that makes total sense. It makes
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total sense.
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And here's a fun one, careful what you start. So let's say you say, right, I'm going to charge you rent. What What will you do if they don't pay it? Right?
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Because you, right, you can add some consequences. So you know, are you going to take their TV away? Are you going to what, how are you going to manage this. So you need to have and, and also, if you say I'm going to take money from you for living in the house, you now have elevated their status, because they're now contributing to the house.
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So they may well expect things in return, like fewer rules, be able to go and do things that you may not like, again, what you're doing is you're creating a different relationship, which isn't about trust and love, and it is about is a much more sort of structured relationship. And it doesn't mean there's no trust or love in it. But it just means that you've now actually codified something you need to have.
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It's really interesting, am I structuring on their wall? Exactly.
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Great story. So this 18 year old young man posted on the Internet that he was upset when his stepdad initially told him he needed to start paying a fair rent at 18.
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And he told him ahead of time, he said, you know, you're going to turn 18, I expect you to start paying rent. Well, it turns out that the stepdad didn't realize the house had actually been given to the boy in his dad's will, because his mum and dad weren't married when his dad died when he was six.
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And that mean that he meant that when he realized that he turned the tables on his stepdad and said, Wait, when I turn 18, you can start paying me rent. And this step dad has accused him of being unfair and heartless claiming that he suggested the team should do it so she can prepare himself for adult life.
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And the teens were taught is, well, if I need to pay rent to learn to be an adult, then what does that make him living here?
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rent free? Oh,
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dear. I think their communication needs working on.
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So funny. Yeah, that's so fun. Anyway, so my point is, think about. So before you make a decision about this review your reason? Yeah, what do you expect to gain from it?
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What are you hoping your child will gain or lose from it? And maybe why
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are they living at home? Let's start there. Why are you living at home? Is it to save money? Well, then taking all their income is a bit of a strange thing to do, isn't it? I mean, I'm not going to judge anyone for doing that. But why are they living at home? That's, that would be my most obvious starting point. Absolutely.
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And so for example, things that might make you trigger you to think, Okay, I'm going to start charging rent, if you've got a 16 year old, who drops out of high school and says, and he's got a job, or a 17 year old who quit school and says he'd rather you know, do something else, you know, any of these things are 18 year old, who wants to live at home after he's graduated from high school isn't actually looking for a job or anything, you know, you can this is, it would be a nudge, a way of saying, Okay, we're going to not be starting and growing, then you know, that that's what the corollary is, this is how this works. One option you could use, isn't it? There's lots of other things yesterday to have that conversation. I'm just saying that might trigger you start to start thinking about it not necessarily don't right there at stopping right
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now because you want them to take responsibility for their lives. But maybe maybe there's lots of ways of doing that.
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Yeah, absolutely. Issues with not charging rent that I saw where they'll miss out on valuable budgeting skills, life skills.
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Now that could be that could be not just rent, that could be okay, you have to buy the X Y, Zed and lack of emotional growth, you know, they may face it may have to face their fears if they're not stepping outside their emotional zone if they're not having to face up to some of the things that are demanded of a fully grown adult. really valid point. Yeah, and that would then give them increased dependency on you and they may feel They're living on their own and doubt their ability. Yes.
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Because a lot of that kind of stuff is uncomfortable and you have to do it a couple of times, then you and then you Oh, it's just that it's fine. It's fine. But the getting over the hurdle can be tricky. Yes.
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And you could be stripping them of their ambition. One of my bonus daughters, I was talking to her about it. And she said, out of all my friends, and she has a lot of them, she said, the ones who hit no bumps in the road, who had parents who really looked after them were really loving and kind. But they never really had to fight for anything. She said, they're the ones who are most unhappy.
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Because they don't really understand how incredibly lucky they are. And they they just haven't grown in the way that my other friends who've had to really battle yeah,
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there's so much truth in that is battling with with difficulty it, what it gives you resilience, there's no failing, doing doing badly in anything, something is really good to learn from. Absolutely.
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So how much?
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How much? Let's say we're going to do this. So you'll have to, I don't know, look at the local rental advertisements and see what percentage of that you think would be reasonable? If you're actually going to agree with them? Why not take them with you? And say, What do you think you don't necessarily have to take the money yourself? Like you said, you can put it into a fund you can you could you could actually help them invest it?
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And how much do they earn? I mean, that how much of a job if they just got like a little job, then that actually gets to play? Yeah,
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so you don't want to, you know, we I talked about this with my daughters, and they were looking at me aghast, like, you're gonna pay, you're gonna make us pay rent.
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And I said, and they were thinking that if they got a sort of part time job, then now I'd be taking the money from them.
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And I said, Good god, no, I'm not. I'm not in the business of trying to penalize you for going out and working. is the opposite. I want you to do that.
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So that's. And I think, again, it comes back to how much was I think, I think for some parents, it's it's either you really need the money. And if you need the money, this is absolutely understandable. And, and, but what you don't want to do is hand over the fear to a teenager who's not ready for it yet, because there's a big, there's a big gulf there. There's a big, I remember being very fearful because we had no money. And I felt all the time. Like I just wouldn't sleep at night because I was so worried about just having money to do anything.
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Yeah,
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they then lose out because they have to pay mom and dad's bills, and all they do if they move out. Absolutely.
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So there's, you know, good parenting is about trying to protect them from some of that, because the harsh reality, often they're not really ready for it, and you you just end up with them with very high levels of cortisol and, and it stayed with me my whole 20s I was always fearful, very, very scared of not having money, which made me which made me work really hard, but not in a good way. No, that makes a lot of sense. So the Joseph Rowntree Foundation, and Loughborough University, which I mentioned before, actually calculated that young adults should be paying at least 100 pounds a month to live at home with their parents, which equates to about 120 in the US around that. And they said that food was the biggest additional cost. So, you know, maybe contributing to that this is this is, you know, in the 20s. A couple in Texas shared on Tiktok, that they've been charging their teenage daughter monthly rent, because she graduated high school and decided not to go to college, they said it's $200 for rent, and that they were charging her to prepare her for adulthood.
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The teenager stayed with her parents for several months before moving. Once you've hit your so high, they're just going to move and maybe that's what you want. I don't know. But it's doesn't make it very nice to know, it's a funny way of doing it. Whether you do or you don't.
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It's shifting that emotional relationship with your teenagers into ones where they're now starting to be much more responsible. Yeah. And we have to kind of adapt
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totally, I totally agree with that. And I think a lot of us get that wrong. I think maybe, you know, I don't know, maybe the previous generations. Were you know, you were we recognize it ourselves, don't we in certain friends, if we don't have parents anymore ourselves, you know, you go back home and you regress to being you know, and you get treated like it because nobody's really moved on. Yeah. And I think you have to be really conscious about it. And I'm practicing that at the moment, actually, because my son, he's only just left, but he's 18. And he's just it. This was the first visit back. And I was really conscious about, you know, how is this going to be he was delighted to be here. It was really fun. It was really lovely. There are no problems but I at the back of my mind the whole time I was thinking it's, it's shifted.
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There's a shift now and I have to I have to be really conscious of that. So that he feels that he can be himself at home. But because being himself has changed, he's not a school. And he's not even after his A Levels he was at home but he's not a school by normally his everyday he decides exactly what he does when you know when he wants to do All of and he's at university. So there's structure in it, but that I remember being like that. So I don't want him coming home and then having to change or have to, you know, be put back into a box somehow or or not feel that he can be
00:25:14.609 --> 00:25:38.700
so what do you think we can do to be? You said you're conscious of that which is amazing. Because I can I've seen particularly with men power struggles where you know, I'm I'm making the money I'm you know, this is my house. But this is also sometimes mothers. And these are my rules. And how do we make that transition? Treat
00:25:38.700 --> 00:25:43.349
him as an adult?
00:25:38.700 --> 00:26:00.660
Like, you're having dinner with us tonight, just little tiny, tiny things you didn't hear for a few days. It's really new. And he's not working in, you know, a big job somewhere and coming home. But it would be the same thing I would do. It's just it's the little things is treating with respect. I am no longer I have a different role with him.
00:26:00.660 --> 00:26:07.049
Now. I'm not sure I'm explaining it very clearly. But there's a there's a shift where it's a respect. It's a respect thing.
00:26:07.259 --> 00:26:12.839
Yes. It's inviting. Do you want to do this? No. Okay. And being completely cool about it if you don't, it's
00:26:12.839 --> 00:26:24.750
an interesting one, because I had one of my bonus daughters living with us for a while when she had graduated, and she was looking for work. And I loved seeing her. I really loved seeing her.
00:26:21.569 --> 00:26:39.269
I panicked a bit when she first was kind of lying around for two weeks and her bikini Yeah, it because think it's and I was saying to her, right, you've got to start looking for work, you've got to look for jobs. And so I was on her back. But what was really interesting was when she had started work, and she's amazing, she's really worked.
00:26:39.269 --> 00:26:50.849
She's just brilliant. But when she started work, she was still living here. And she was going out working and coming home super late. So but we never knew we weren't communicating well.
00:26:50.849 --> 00:26:53.309
So I wasn't I didn't know what are we supposed to cook for her.
00:26:53.579 --> 00:27:14.910
So I make some food just in case and then and then she'd turn up it just before bedtime, say hi, and then go to bed and then get up the next day. And I found that quite challenging because she was just treating it like a doll's house. And that was my fault. I think when I looked back because I and I knew that I knew I wasn't doing it right.
00:27:12.539 --> 00:27:30.359
But I wasn't sure how I was doing it wrong. And I on reflection, I think what I needed to do was have a conversation. Yeah, have a conversation about how, what the expectations are. And how do we do this together? So it's lovely. Yeah, rather than torturous? Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:30.359 --> 00:27:44.160
And just, you know, be really upfront about it. Like I'm cooking dinner tonight. Are you here? You don't know yet fine. Just to kiss sematext When you know, I make enough and, you know, just be I'm just trying to be easy with it. You know, it doesn't, it doesn't matter.
00:27:44.190 --> 00:28:06.630
Because it can feel very challenging when you're in a house and someone is coming and going whenever they they're not contributing in any way, because I never would have asked for anything. But when they're not contributing, but they're just kind of turning up random times and then leaving again and you just feel a bit used. Yeah. So I can see that. I can see how, you know, the charging for something might make them feel like there's more of
00:28:06.630 --> 00:28:09.869
a kind of connection. Yeah, yes. Filling a hole?
00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:19.529
I guess I don't know. Yeah. But I think that's one of the challenges that we can experience. And it's about being really healthy communication is very different and verbalizing
00:28:19.529 --> 00:28:36.089
it. I don't see you I miss you. Because that's what it is, isn't it? Yeah. I'd love to hang out with you. I can see you're busy this week, and you're coming and going. Lovely, brilliant. You're going out with your mates about Saturday, you wanna hang out? You wanna have dinner with us on Saturday? And then put it in the diary. And then it's kind of everyone can go okay.
00:28:36.269 --> 00:28:39.630
Yeah, yeah.
00:28:36.269 --> 00:29:29.430
Yeah. So yeah, it's, it's that those sorts of stuff, intentional conversations, if you're going to charge because you need to charge or because you think it's important, then you really need to sit down and actually think about it beforehand, think about what you're trying to achieve, what the budgets could be could look like, and don't just present it to them actually discuss it with them look at this salary, and also look at ways in which you can support them in setting themselves up for the rest of their life. And, you know, that's why I've been doing this allowance for a long time with my girls because they're very conscious of the cost of things they understand because they've been had their own money for quite a while now. And so I'm not concerned about them living at home, and not really learning some of these adult lessons because they they buy things they will go shopping they come with me and they buy the ingredients they're always saying oh my goodness, it's so expensive to go yeah, enjoy it.
00:29:25.890 --> 00:29:32.160
Because you know, at some point you'll have to pay for it yourself but you don't have to right now and maybe
00:29:32.190 --> 00:29:51.089
taking a moment to think you know what, what do I want my home to be for? That's a bit weird. But so what is my home so for me, my home, I'm quite intentional with it. It's a safe space, the safe, nourishing space in common you can go just let me know. But it's that that's what I want and that I will prioritize that.
00:29:51.119 --> 00:30:04.440
Yeah. I love that. I think what we subconsciously all want is a relationship with our teenagers that develops into an adult relationship. We can always enjoy seeing each other. Yeah.
00:30:00.990 --> 00:30:16.980
And there are family gatherings and things. And that's the intention. But the day to day reality sometimes doesn't end up going down that path unless we're very conscious about how we're setting that homage to be a warm, loving. Yeah.
00:30:17.549 --> 00:30:19.799
And within that doesn't mean that anything goes.
00:30:20.190 --> 00:30:27.690
Of course, like I will call out every, you know, pretty much every day. But the intention is this isn't safe, nourishing space.
00:30:27.720 --> 00:30:37.500
Yeah. Well, yeah, that's, that's, yeah, figure it out for yourself. So you wouldn't charge your kids rent?
00:30:38.609 --> 00:30:47.190
I think if I was a teenager, I think later, there are some caveats. And later on, if they had like a big job, and I felt they should contribute.
00:30:44.430 --> 00:30:49.829
Yeah. And then it's not a never thing. But as a teenager, probably not known
00:30:49.829 --> 00:31:13.740
as a teenager not to meet me that and I think it would very much depend on how they related to me if they started to, but it's not going to happen. I can't see if they were treating me like a landlord. They might respond, say, you know, I could be a landlord, if that's what you really want. And I know that that that would my daughters would go Oh, my goodness. I didn't mean No, it's a communication thing. Yes.
00:31:11.339 --> 00:31:16.079
Because often I'll say, Do you realize you're doing this? And they go, Oh, I had no idea.
00:31:16.109 --> 00:31:17.549
Yeah. So actually,
00:31:17.549 --> 00:31:44.039
do you know what my son who's going away and has to cook for himself every day? His his Mote his biggest thing coming back was like, I don't have to cook for a few days. But then he was. Yeah, exactly, exactly. But I noticed he was helping out more because now he understands, you know, he understands what it means to do it. Like it comes naturally. We don't some of the stuff we don't actually have to reach they feel it at some point.
00:31:44.339 --> 00:31:47.039
Yeah.
00:31:44.339 --> 00:31:50.519
Brilliant. Great. Send us your thoughts. What would you do?
00:31:47.039 --> 00:31:59.460
What what do you do? We'd love to hear your ideas. Do us a little favor, hit the Follow button on your podcast player so you don't miss a thing? Come and chat with us on social media.
00:31:56.250 --> 00:32:10.650
We're ever so friendly. Yeah. So now get your friends to listen because the more people who do join our club the stronger we are as a community Susie is involved in all sorts of other things like the nest Yes. Which is a
00:32:10.680 --> 00:32:26.369
was a retreat. It's a local retreat place for for solo women. So it's a it's a beautiful, beautiful shepherd's hut you stay in and then you have treatments of me forest bathing massage, amazing home cooked food. It's beautiful.
00:32:26.369 --> 00:32:28.740
It's a no that's a proper nourishing play. Don't
00:32:28.740 --> 00:32:32.130
have to be so low. You could be a mother who's really struggling. Oh, I meant
00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:33.420
there's just one person at a time.
00:32:35.549 --> 00:32:45.809
So it's all going this is a really good president. Yeah, no, it's just one person as much as you can follow that on on social media as well. And she does private consultations as well as going to businesses to train staff.
00:32:46.079 --> 00:32:47.880
Susie, how can people find you?
00:32:48.359 --> 00:32:57.210
They can find me on my website, which is www dot a mindful hyphen life.co.uk and all my social media stuff has links on.
00:32:57.720 --> 00:33:01.470
Fantastic that's it for now back again next Wednesday. See you then.
00:33:01.559 --> 00:33:02.190
Bye bye for now.
