Ask Rachel anything Updated to correct the music issues at the beginning: This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too. In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think. In this episode, we cover: What emotional regulation really isThe “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortexWhy ...
Ask Rachel anything I thought we'd kick off the new year with an episode on how building our own community of people we admire can dramatically change our future and break from a difficult past. In this episode, I talk with Mitchell Osmond, who transformed his life from financial instability, marital strife, and addiction to a thriving marriage, debt repayment, and personal health. Mitchell attributes his turnaround to two pivotal moments: a marital fight and a funeral that made him que…
Ask Rachel anything The anxiety epidemic: In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control. Substack notes and PDF to go with this episode: https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled/note/c-193100671?r=2u24i0&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/the-rise-in-teen-anxiety Suggested books: ·&nb…
Ask Rachel anything None of us likes blowing a fuse when our teen does something that triggers us, but we all do it at some point. Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology? Click the link at the bottom to access all the tips from the episode and also a parent’s worksheet to help you unpack your fe..…
Ask Rachel anything Why is it that so many teenagers today seem to be struggling with mental health? In this conversation, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matt Richtel reveals the surprising science behind adolescent development, explaining why teens aren't 'difficult' they're doing an important job and how there's a fundamental mismatch between biological adolescent development and the world in which we now life. One of the key problems nowadays is that kids are g…
Ask Rachel anything Sleep's a FREE performance-enhancer, so why are so many teens not getting enough? For us parents, sleep is the thing we all obsess about when we first bring our babies home, but if you're anything like me by the time they hit teens we've become pretty lax around that solid bedtime routine. In fact, research shows that around 2/3rds of teenagers aren't getting adequate sleep. Why does this happen? In my case, I was exhausted from years of implementing a…
Ask Rachel anything Whatever food fears we've inherited, or learned, will be passed on to our kids unless we understand and challenge our beliefs, according to food psychologist, Dr Anna Colton. As she rightly points out, fear-mongering about killer bars or toxic foods is way more dangerous, long-term, than the food itself. In this episode we talk openly about my own struggles with my family's attitude to food, and Dr Colton explains in detail why it's way better to prevent ou…
Ask Rachel anything Women's happiness has been in decline since the 1970's despite increased freedoms and opportunities, says Dr Giselle Goodwin. I've you've ever felt burnout out and the sense that you're somehow failing at being a woman and a mother you'll have a sense of it happening, but you may feel guilty, particularly given the opportunities we've been given compared with what our own mothers had. She says that when women were told we could have it a…
Ask Rachel anything The intense, content-heavy exam system in the UK kicks off at this time of year with GCSEs and A levels; high-stakes exams that can feel like a make-or-break moment for teenagers. I've already discussed with Susie how we can support our teens through the stress, which you can download here: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/ This time I'm joined by journalist Jenny Anderson who writes extensively about education, the…
Ask Rachel anything When I asked listeners for their questions one stood out as a worthy of almost an entire episode: 'What does it take to respect people around you, especially your parents?' There's so much that could be said on this topic that it think I might give it a deeper dive at some point, but the insight from my teens was very interesting nonetheless. Artificial Intelligence is everywhere in the news, but what I don't see is a coherent approach across education…
Ask Rachel anything So many parents feel a deep loss when their teenager begins to separate from them; staying in their room and behaving as if the person they used to adore is the most embarassing thing they have ever witnessed. In today's episode I brought in Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom, to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers. In her book she covers the key things that drive adolescents to push against us: 1. Sepa...
What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Twenty years ago The Times asked young people in Britain a series of questions. The new Millenials gave answers which showed that the majority thought the UK was forward-looking and tolerant; they were proud to be British. This year that same survey - this time asking Gen Z - has brought in radically different results. 48 per cent thought that Britain is a racist country, compared with 36 per cent who did …
Ask Rachel anything Empty nest syndrome is real, and can be very painful to navigate. I've already discussed it with Susie, including ideas for how we can manage our feelings in a positive way to help us move on. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/But are we looking at it in the wrong way? Change management specialist, Hanna Bankier, hates the term empty nest because it has such negative con…
Ask Rachel anything Before I had kids I literally had no real idea of what I should expect. I think that's partly why I have spent the years as a mother panicking and reading everything; having learnt that I was wrong about how complicated the job is. Susie and I are in a similar stage with our kids but feel differently about it, so I thought it would be lovely to bring her in to have an open, honest conversation about how the stages unfold and what it really feels like for us. Wh...
Ask Rachel anything It's one thing to get advice on how to parent, it's another to have independent studies that give real evidence on how well one approach works rather than another. Faced with raising two young kids in a COVID lockdown, social scientist and skilled researcher Matilda Gosling looked for a book that gave her advice that was based on sound evidence. She discovered that such a book didn't exist, so set out to write it. Described by investigative journalist Hanna…
Ask Rachel anything Stress can be a major problem for parents who're constantly juggling tasks and responsibilities. The mental load can feel overwhelming at times and the list literally never ending. So when I discovered Sam Kelly has a brilliant way to: ✅Avoid burnout. ✅Have a happier home life. ✅Help our kids to be successful in life. ✅Avoid nagging. ✅Break the old stereotypes cycle. I had to get her on the show. A mother and feminist coach, Sam is teaching parents how to share the..…
Ask Rachel anything There are siblings who love spending time with each other as often as possible, some tolerate it once or twice a year, and there are others who would rather eat glass than have to speak to each other. Why? What happens to their relationship? Is there something we parents can be doing to set our kids to be the ones who love and support each other as we age and after we die. When one listener asked for a deep dive on siblings who don’t talk to each other later in life it c.…
Ask Rachel anything Connection is at the root of human happiness, but staying connected through the turbulent teens and keeping family traditions and gatherings positive can be a challenge. In this episode we help Helen with her question about how to stay connected with her daughter who's on the brink of becoming a teenager. We also talk about hosting gatherings, drawing on advice from the expert, Priya Parker. How to put nutrients back into our family earth; avoid straying into topics …
Ask Rachel anything In a recent column in The Times, Caitlin Moran wrote about how five young men in her social circle have taken their lives in the past 18 months. She's not alone. My daughter has experienced this, as has Benedicte's son, the listener who contacted me to suggest I cover it in an episode. In the UK, the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 is suicide, and the statistics in the US are even worse. Boys are particularly vulnerable, and we know that there…
Ask Rachel anything So many of us bemoan the loss of a village, but do we really know what we mean by that? Being in a village or community requires us to give as well as take; often not on our own terms. It also means that we have to brush shoulders with people who might have radically different viewpoints from us on things like politics or religion. Many of us have got used to our busy, overscheduled lives, and don't have time to offer what's needed to create community, whils...<…
Ask Rachel anything Encouraging our kids to make the most of themselves is a vital job for parents, but how do we talk with girls about the barriers they face? From the subtle expectation that girls and women be humble to the not so subtle focus on their worth based on body parts and beauty, we parents are left with a tricky path to tread. We want to encourage our girls to be bold, and try to achieve their dreams, but how do we do that without being honest about the pitfalls of being ambiti.…
Ask Rachel anything The suicide of a young man at Oxford University has prompted a warning letter to the UK Government about 'cancel culture' on campus. The review into his death 'identified evidence of a concerning practice of social ostracism among students, often referred to as a cancel culture,' according the coroner. '[The review's] evidence was that this behaviour, where individuals are isolated and excluded from social groups based on allegations or perce…
Ask Rachel anything If we genuinely think about how many of us are emotionally mature before we become parents the number is probably pretty low. The act of caring for someone else, and having to manage our own feelings, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when we were raised by parents who were immature themselves. Being able to spot the difference between being emotionally immature, and the normal pressures of parenting, can be really helpful. We all have outbursts at times; we…
Ask Rachel anything What we see on TikTok often starts on message boards in fringe groups then spills over into the mainstream. This is true of the Looksmaxxing social media trend that's been gaining more and more currency among teen boys. The goal of looksmaxxing is to meet a set of criteria for physical attractiveness, with a focus on the eyes, jawline, and physique and the ultimate currency is SMV, or Sexual Market Value. There are some really positive elements to the trend, but its …
