I hated going to sleep when I was a teenager. I simply couldn’t understand the point. It seemed boring, and pointless, and there was something thrilling about being awake when nobody else was. It felt empowering and rebellious. Of course, it also meant I never really had any sense of what it felt like to be awake without being massively sleep-deprived. This continued into adulthood. I always struggled to get to sleep and stay asleep. As my workload and seniority increased, so did my anxiety about lack of sleep. Regularly starting work at 3am will cure you of any real desire to stay up all night, as will having babies in quick succession. But it was only when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and realised how lack of sleep messes with your immune system, that I really started to take it seriously.
So now I’ve got my personal WHY for wanting to get better at sleeping, but I have another WHY. I don’t want my teens to grow up without a real sense of how good it can feel to have enough sleep. I also don’t want them to get hung up on insomnia either. It’s striking the balance that really matters. That’s why I started really paying attention to what the experts say about what easy things we can do to help ourselves and our teens.
In fact, I fundamentally believe that our teen’s good sleep habits have to start with us; otherwise we’re telling our teens to do something we don’t truly believe in and showing them that being an adult is all about doing what you want, regardless of your health.
The UK government has recently been advising parents that instead of saying ‘I’m overweight, I’m going on a diet’, we should say ‘I don’t feel very healthy, I’m going to take some steps to change that, shall we do it together?’ I think it’s an excellent approach for sleep too.
From what I know about making changes (see episode 31) I’m convinced that we are far more successful if we make micro-changes; catching the low-hanging fruit first. Ironically, even though we all know that getting more sleep will make everything better, we still hate change. It’s as if we have to slip habits into our lives before our chimp notices, otherwise it will rebel.
What to do?
We need to sit down and find the WHY with our teens, then what things in our life are holding us back from getting a good night of sleep. I would start with four paragraphs; morning, midday, afternoon, bedtime. Check on each of these parts of their day to see what’s happening. When do they stop caffeinated drinks? When do they exercise? Is their waking time consistent? You get the picture. Once we can see where things are going wrong we can start with the easy stuff. Remember, we’re not trying to punish ourselves; we’re trying to be happier.
Here’s what I’ve adjusted:
- The first thing I did, because I knew it would have the most impact on me and my attitude, was to start putting my phone on charge at 9:30 each night. It’s the most incredibly liberating thing, because it shuts out the world and gives me space to focus only on my family and my own needs. I think we often turn to our phones to distract ourselves from discomfort of another type. Instead, I now have time to mess around with my teens, snuggle in front of the TV, think about things that have been bothering me and journal them so they don’t suddenly hit me when I’m trying to sleep, potter around the house getting those niggling jobs done, read my book, have a warm bath, or make out with my husband. Whilst all of this happens, I have discovered that I miss NOTHING. That said, I’m not a saint. I do sometimes slip and end up logging on. And that’s OK; I’ve never been an all or nothing person. It’s important to be kind to ourselves and inch towards our goals.
- I’ve worn an eye-mask and ear plugs for a long time now, because I’m an incredibly light sleeper, and they work so well that if I forget them on a trip you’ll find me diverting to the nearest pharmacy to buy some more.
- Recently, I’ve been making myself go outside (or look out of the window) for 5-10 minutes every morning at the same time. That blast of sunshine resets my melatonin window and it has honestly had a dramatic impact on me. It’s made me far more sleepy at bedtime, and far less groggy once I’ve done my morning sun-bathing. I seriously recommend getting your teen to do this one thing, even if they refuse any other adjustments. It’s proven to make an impact.
- Finally, I’ve begun trying to be far more consistent with what time I go to bed and get up. Its all simple stuff, but I’m finally sleeping really well for the first time in my life.
More resources:
There are some really excellent websites that can support our efforts at home. https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/information-support/ is great, and the information below is taken from their teen worksheet:
- Emphasise the importance of sleep and that it improves memory and performance. Teens need at least eight hours’ sleep on school nights.
- Encourage regular exercise – 20 minutes three times a week will help.
- Suggest they drink less caffeine (in cola and energy drinks as well as tea and coffee). Too much caffeine stops them falling asleep and prevents deep sleep.
- Point out that eating too much or too little close to bedtime – an over full or empty stomach – may prevent sleep onset, or cause discomfort throughout the night.
- Try and get your teen into a good bed routine – suggest that doing the same things in the same order before going to sleep can help.
- Avoid using electronic devices (TVs, gaming machines and more importantly, tablets and smartphones) in the hour before bedtime. Blue light emitting from these gadgets stimulates the brain and may inhibit melatonin production – the hormone you need to sleep.
- Eliminate electronic devices from the bedroom. If this isn’t possible, try to zone areas of the room for work, leisure and sleep.
- Ensure a good sleep environment – a room that is dark, cool, quiet, safe and comfortable.
- Make sure your teenager has a comfortable bed. It may be time to get a new one – and encourage him or her to choose it themselves.
- Don’t give teenagers hand-me-down beds. A good rule of thumb: if the bed’s no longer good for its first user it’s not good enough for them either.
- Remember, habits learned in adolescence often become lifetime habits – so make sure good sleep habits are learned early.
Our Teen Sleep Hub is aimed at young people and can be found at teensleephub.org.uk
