If you recognise the song from my title then you may well be as old as I am, which means we've had a lot of time to evolve over the years. Still, making changes that stick is so difficult that it's a wonder many of us begin afresh every new year with hope in our hearts that this time we'll do it better. I'm one of them, but I want to tell you about the way I make them in a way that genuinely works for me.
It's so effective that over the years the process has been life-changing.
Firstly, write your list somewhere that won't get lost or forgotten. I use a simple paperback that is slotted into a beautiful book cover which can hold the pen I use.
1: Write down what you achieved in the past year and genuinely take time to appreciate it. Don't skip this stage.
2: Create categories that are meaningful to you. Mine: Joy, Learning, Fitness and health. You could write career, skills... what's important to you? Then write in those categories what you would like to change or tweak.
3: Pick the ONE that feels most important right now then hone it down to a very specific action. eg 'I want to see my friends more' is whittled down to 'I will contact these people every Monday to find out who is free for a dog walk that week. I will set aside x night a week for a one hour drink with these friends and always turn up.
4: Put a reminder post-it note on your bathroom mirror by your toothbrush.
5: Only do this one thing until it's a habit. You simply can't change more than one thing at a time and make it stick.
6: If you 'fail' you then know that it's either something you really didn't care about that much and you can strike it off your list so it doesn't occupy rent-free space in your brain, or you weren't specific enough in how to execute it so you can go back again to tweak it.
7: Now move onto the next thing on your list.
🧭Treat it like a compass re-set to find your true North, not something to beat yourself up with.
🧭Use this system to help you realise what things genuinely matter to you, rather than everyone else.
This year I've decided to make my very first focus 'joy'. I don't believe we can ever achieve complete balance in our lives, which is why so much of the past few years have been taken up with focus on my teens and their needs. As a result, my friendships have taken a back-seat, and I haven't been doing enough to develop and nourish them.
I'm conscious that as my kids become more independent it will do me, and my friends, a lot of good to spend more time pursuing things that genuinely help us to grow as individuals so we're more than mothers, partners, home-makers.
I also think that getting into the habit of reaching out and scheduling things will be good as my kids grow up and leave home. The habit is vital for keeping us close because they will be occupied with their own lives and will need me to make the effort to see them.
This goes for the men in our lives too. I've been encouraging my husband to pay more attention to his friendships and hobbies. He's been doing regular running training with a group once a week, he's also continued with his piano lessons which give him such joy.
How did I do it? I was very methodical. I made a list of the people in my life who bring me genuine joy. These are people who leave me feeling optimistic, stimulated and invigorated when I see them. It's not that the other people in my life have anything wrong with them, it's that these particular people fill my cup.
Next to their names I put W, M, or A. For weekly, monthly or annual. I then thought carefully about the ways in which I could include them in my life. The weekly were dog walk mates, the monthly would be a meal or an art exhibition in London and the annual requires something more specific and focused on our relationship. I've already attended one exhibition and met another - long neglected - friend for lunch this week.
I've created two groups; a meal group and an exhibition group, so that these women can meet each other and I can see more of them, more often.
What do you think? Do you have any tips for us on what works for you?
